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PHILADELPHIA—In a bold marketing move, McDonald’s has announced it will officially change its name to “Donald’s” following former President Donald Trump’s highly publicized stint behind the counter at a McDonald’s in Iowa.
“After seeing President Trump hand out Big Macs with such charisma and confidence, we realized the ‘Mc’ was just dead weight,” said CEO Chris Kempczinski at a press conference. “Frankly, it’s time to honor the new face of fast food.”
The rebranding effort will include new golden arches shaped like a “T” instead of the classic “M,” along with a limited-time Trump Meal, featuring two cheeseburgers, fries, a Diet Coke, and a “huge” ketchup packet — “the biggest you’ve ever seen,” according to marketing materials.
Trump’s visit to the fast-food giant came during a campaign stop, where he donned a visor and worked the drive-thru window, charming patrons by taking their orders directly. “It’s a beautiful thing, folks,” Trump said, handing out Happy Meals. “Some say I’m the greatest cashier of all time. Better than Lincoln, some would argue.”
One confused customer asked for a McFlurry, to which Trump responded, “We only do TrumpFlurries now. Way more patriotic.”
The menu changes will also include the following updates:
- The Quarter Pounder will now be called the “Trump Tower Burger.”
- Chicken McNuggets will be replaced by “Covfefe Bites,” which no one can quite explain.
- Happy Meals will come with MAGA hats or tiny gold-plated toy buildings.
Reactions to the name change have been mixed. Fans of the rebranding say it’s “about time America’s favorite president partnered with America’s favorite burger joint.” Others worry the fast-food chain’s iconic Scottish identity is being erased.
Kempczinski brushed off the criticism: “The name ‘Donald’s’ aligns with our vision of greatness. And if Trump runs the kitchen as well as he ran casinos, we’ll be the classiest fast-food chain in the world.”
Meanwhile, employees are reportedly bracing for the rollout of new uniforms — red ties and oversized navy suits — as part of the “Donald’s” makeover. A spokesperson hinted that, moving forward, the company will only accept orders placed through a gold-plated iPhone app.
At press time, Trump was seen behind the counter telling employees, “The ice cream machine isn’t broken. It’s just fake news.”
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