THE UNITED KINGDOM — According to sources, American tourist Gary Ludwig isn't sure whether the British restaurant where he is eating lunch messed up his food order or whether the food is just supposed to taste like this.

"I'm here in London having the time of my life but the food is…um…is it supposed to taste like this?" Ludwig asked his wife. "We had some great curry yesterday but I guess that's not technically British food; today we're having something called "Kippers and Gigglyboo with Blood Paste" or something I don't know but I'm unclear if it's supposed to taste like this."

Ludwig's wife Clara also expressed confusion over whether or not the dish she ordered was supposed to have cold beans on it or if maybe the chef mistook her plate for a plate of dog food he was prepping for his pet.

"I like beans…but on cold toast?" Clara wondered. "And I had an egg at breakfast but it was both undercooked and overcooked at the same time. And I know the British once had some colonies in places with amazing spices but I've never tasted food quite so bland. I asked for hot sauce and the waiter looked at me like I was a bug and then just walked away."

As of publishing time, Clara and Gary's suspicions about British cuisine mounted after a sub-par dessert of "Spotted Dick Wellington With Ploughman's Yorkshire Haggis."

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