Babylon Bee  


What Luck! Biden Finds Prewritten Answer To A Completely Spontaneous Press Question Right On His Note Card

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden appeared visibly overwhelmed Thursday during an impromptu on-the- ...View More

Newsom Issues Ban On Legal-Citizen Voting

SACRAMENTO, CA - In a recent move to increase voter access, strengthen election integrity, and impro ...View More

Biden Placed In Presidential Weeble-Wobble To Keep Him From Falling Down

WASHINGTON, DC — According to sources in the White House, President Biden has been given his very ow ...View More

Weird: Soros-Funded D.A. Declines To Prosecute Soros-Funded Campus Protesters

NEW YORK, NY — In what analysts have labeled a shocking turn of events, a district attorney whose ca ...View More

Public School Valedictorian Wows Fellow Students During Graduation Speech By Reciting Entire Alphabet

EDINA, MN — Sources at Cesar Chavez Obama George Floyd High School say that public school valedictor ...View More

Iran Confirms They Are Interviewing Several New Turban-Wearing Bearded Genocidal Psychopaths To Replace Deceased President

TEHRAN — Following the death of one of its prominent national leaders, the Iran government confirmed ...View More

DOJ Authorizes Postal Workers To Use Deadly Force On Trump When Delivering His Mail

U.S. — Unsealed documents from the Department of Justice reveal that postal workers were formally au ...View More

Jews Announce They Have Developed Terraforming Machine That Can, Say, Quickly Build A Mountain In Front Of A Flying Helicopter

ISRAEL — In a statement completely unrelated to anything currently in the news, the Jews announced t ...View More

Iranian Government Claims People Dancing In Streets Is Part Of The Mourning Process

TEHRAN, IRAN — According to official sources in the Iranian government, the masses of Iranian citize ...View More

The Definitive Guide To Getting Through TSA Security

Brought to you by: DonorsTrustA U.S. congresswoman once said that on 9/11 "some people did some thin ...View More

Klaus Schwab Retires To Spend More Time With His Lizard Family On Planet Zarkon VII

DAVOS — An upcoming change of the global guard began today, as longtime leader of the World Economic ...View More

Pope Francis Reveals His 10 Favorite Bible Verses

You think you know the Bible? Move over, you protestant hack! The leader of the Catholic Church know ...View More

Is Your Baby A Fed? Look For These Warning Signs

Brought to you by: NBTVWhen it comes to the feds, you can never be sure who to trust. Take your baby ...View More

Harrison Butker Late For Practice Again After Spending Morning Enslaving Women And Forcing Them To Wear Handmaid's Tale Uniforms

KANSAS CITY, MO — Tensions between Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker and his teammates escal ...View More

Husband Puzzled By Strange Device Found Near Bread Loaf

LANCASTER, PA — According to sources, local husband Max Brosa was confused after finding a small, my ...View More

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