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As the presidential candidates come to terms concerning their upcoming debate, Vice Presidential hopeful Tim Walz challenged his opponent J.D. Vance to a drunk driving competition earlier today, sources confirmed.
“I’m not even sure what that is, frankly,” said Vance, after being accosted by Walz, who seemed to be a few beers in already. “I think there’s a more conventional and far less dangerous way we can figure this out, don’t you Tim? And before you ask, no, we’re not going to arm wrestle again, either.”
Though the request proved controversial, Walz insisted it would determine the better of the two men.
“You want to talk about a candidate the American people can relate to?” asked Walz, whose campaign staff has covered up details about his DUI charge in the past. “Well I got the perfect idea. Let’s race each other to Applebee’s, down three Ultimate Margarita’s, and race back here. Come on, what do you say? Too scared? Where are you going?”
As of press time, Walz was making the Applebee’s run by himself anyway, in an effort to beat his personal best time.
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