CHICAGO, IL — According to reports, black people trying to attend the DNC were turned away in droves as Democrats required photo IDs to enter the convention.

Despite knowing that black people are not capable of obtaining photo IDs, Democrats inexplicably chose to require everyone in attendance to show identification, leaving thousands of black people unable to enter.

"I wanted to come, but everyone knows I can't get an ID," said one black man who was refused entry to the DNC. "You'd think the Democrats would be aware of this fact. This must be some type of big plan to suppress our ability to attend the convention. It's a shame. I was looking forward to being here, but acquiring an official government-issued photo ID isn't something people like me can do. At least that's what I've heard."

DNC officials offered conflicting comments on the controversy. "We would never want to discriminate," said DNC Chairman Jaime Harrison, who is also black. "We're here to stand up against the efforts of Republicans to keep the black population from voting by requiring them to show a photo ID, which is why we're gathering here in Chicago and requiring everyone who enters to show a photo ID."

At publishing time, Harrison also clarified that the DNC had built a wall around the convention area to keep out anyone it didn't want present as its leaders gave speeches about how walls are not effective in keeping out unwanted people.

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