Sit back, dear friends, and let me tell you the tale of the majestic frat boys of UNC-Chapel Hill. Or better yet, let the organizer of a GoFundMe set up to reward these men tell the tale (and honestly, his writing is better than mine):

Commie losers across the country have invaded college campuses to make dumb demands of weak University Administrators. 

But amidst the chaos, the screaming, the anti-semitism, the hatred of faith and flag, stood a platoon of American heroes. Armored in Vineyard Vines and Patagonia, fueled by Zyn and White Claws, these triumphant Brohemians protected Old Glory from the unwashed Marxist horde -- laughing at their shrieks and wails and shielding the Stars & Stripes from Soviet missiles. 

These boys... no, men, of the UNC Chapel Hill Pi Kappa Phi, gave the best to America and now they deserve the best. 

Help us raise funds to throw this frat the party they deserve, a party [worthy] of the boat-shoed Broleteriat who did their country proud.

While the fundraiser is hilarious, in reality, the stalwart bros faced a harrowing situation. On Tuesday morning, a Marxist mob took down the American flag on the campus of the University of North Carolina, which had been at half-staff to honor four officers who had been killed in a shoot-out in Charlotte, N.C., a few days earlier. 

Once he became aware of the traitorous display, UNC Chancellor Lee Roberts (whose name must trigger many a woke student) led law enforcement to the flagpole. The authorities removed the offensive rag from the pole and restored the American flag. But later, when the adults had left the area, the pro-terrorism protestors attempted to take it down again. This was when the courageous Pi Kappa Phi bros stood up for their flag and their country.

UNC Class of '27 student Guillermo Estrada posted a thread on X describing what transpired. 

When the flag was raised once again, the greek community began singing the National anthem. As the Chancellor left, the quad erupted into chaos as protestors began removing the flag once again, preparing to destroy it.

My fraternity brother and others ran over to hold it up, in order for it not to touch the ground. People began throwing water bottles at us, rocks, sticks, calling us profane names. We stood for an hour defending the flag so many fight to protect.

It was an ugly scene, and I can't honestly say that I would have been as brave as these lads in the same situation:

BASED BROS

As campuses erupt across the U.S.A., a group of young men protect the American flag from protestors attempting to tear it down at UNC Chapel Hill. pic.twitter.com/nRPFpWIsvT

— CatholicVote (@CatholicVote) May 1, 2024

In his first-person account of the event, Estrada noted that "My parents started a new life in the United States, a country that has helped them flourish and raise two kids. I grew up in a Military community and saw first hand the sacrifices they make. I will not stand for the disrespect these 'protestors' cause for the sake of another country. My LDOC (last day of class) will be memorable in knowing that my fraternity brothers and others fought to keep the flag up. But it was also be memorable in knowing that so many yearn to disrespect it."

When I began writing this report earlier this afternoon, the GoFundMe had raised $96,000 of a $100,000 goal. As I send it to press (6:45 p.m. ET on Wednesday), the goal has been increased to $175,000 and the donations total over $162,000. At this rate, the great patriots of Pi Kappa Phi won't have to settle for a mere rager. They'll be able to charter a private cruise ship and sail the brilliant blue Caribbean with all their friends. Godspeed, heroes of the boat-shoed Broletariat. You earned this.

[UPDATE] 8 p.m. ET: As of now, the GoFundMe has raised $206,349 of a new $225,000 goal.

[UPDATE] 8:50 p.m. ET: As of now, the GoFundMe has raised $228,571 of a new $250,000 goal. Top-tier bands should be vying to play at what is shaping up to be a full-fledged festival.