WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his first public speech following Donald Trump's landslide victory on Tuesday, an emotional President Joe Biden was clearly devastated over Kamala Harris's lopsided loss.

The outgoing president appeared before the media today, showing clear signs that he was despondent and sorrowful after his one-time running mate was handed a crushing defeat at the hands of the American voters.

"It's a sad day for the United States, folks," Biden said, smiling broadly. "The idea… that the… the… the gal they had replace me on the Democratic ticket would lose so badly to the man I beat four years ago… it's tough to swallow. My heart goes out to Kamalia… Kama… Kamalala… to her… for what must be a devastating feeling. This is a difficult time not only for me and Kama… Kam… Mamakala… but also for six hundred million billion… six billion… sixty-seven hundred… for… for so many Americans. If only they had let me run, I would have — "

Biden was then quickly whisked away by aides before he could finish his sentence. A statement released by White House staff following the speech clarified Biden's remarks. "What we saw from President Biden today was deep sadness and concern for the future of America," the statement read. "His enormous smile was a sign of how much he loves this country and how proud he is of the achievements his administration has made over the last four years and in no way should be misconstrued as happiness over Vice President Harris's embarrassing loss."

At publishing time, White House insiders denied rumors of celebratory "hooting and hollering" emanating from the Oval Office.

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