The Morality Of The Hug

By: Karrie the Puck

Before I dive into this topic, I would like to say that the perspective I’m writing about is an ever-changing subject of vast opinions. “Why is it permissible for a female student to hug female staff yet frowned upon for a male teacher to hug a female student?”

In pursuit of the answers, I asked my school’s staff, my family members, and even myself.

These questions were all submitted under the condition of anonymity unless the subjects didn’t object to speaking on the record. I wanted all to be comfortable without the fear of being judged or harassed. With that having been said, I will want to outline the four questions asked to each subject in this study.

A very young Puck ^^^

1. Why do most people think it’s okay for female students to hug female staff but not okay for male staff to do the same ie male to female contact?

2. Would you agree with the above statement, why and why not?

3. Why would dissenting opinions consider this is a bad idea?

4. Do you feel like this perspective is overrated or underrated, why or why not?

I’m not going to rewrite these questions over and over again, but I am going to number the answers 1, 2, 3, and 4. I would also like you to note that, if your thoughts are different everyone has a voice. The opinions here are not your opinions, but a broad swipe of different people in different situations. Shall we begin?

* Vice Principal, Mr. Henning – male staff

1. There is the fear of a male teacher being accused of grooming or that there is an inappropriate relationship, so male teachers try to avoid any kind of physical touch so that they can’t be accused of such allegations.

2. I wouldn’t agree, unless you have questionable relations; because I give fist bumbs and high five’s, but you know female and male staff should refrain from hugging.

3. It’s just, when you see articles between female students and male staff, they don’t want to do anything that would result in it happening again because of the loss that can come from it. Like losing your job and media that follows an event like that, it can all come from that.

4. I don’t think that its over or under rated; it’s been talked about, it happens often, doesn’t matter if it was in our district or another, it gets people talking and start doing what they should be doing.

* Female science teacher at my high school

1. I don’t know why people feel this way, it may be because it makes people feel uncomfortable.

2. I would say I feel neutral, because as long as it’s professional between student and staff. I feel like that would be okay.

3. Because it can be inappropriate at times, it can be too much at times, it can blur the lines.

4. I think that’s something that requires a larger discussion on.

*I also asked this subject an additional question, which was: ‘So, when you were in high school during your teenage years and seen a female student hugging a male teacher, you didn’t question anything? to which she replied “Back in my day and age you would hug staff members in elementary but in any higher education, you just didn’t do that, I just feel like at that more mature age it just felt weird to be doing that.”

* Librarian, Mrs. Brandon – female staff

1. A male teacher hugging a female student could be misinterpreted as romantic interest or inappropriate behavior.

2. I agree that a full body hug is inappropriate between students and teachers regardless of gender. However, a side-hug is fine as long as both parties are comfortable.

3. The risk of the hug being misinterpreted is too great. The teacher could lose their job or even lose their license to teach as well as tarnish their reputation.

4. I don’t think it’s overrated. Every year teachers lose their jobs over inappropriate relationships with students, as they should. For this reason, male teachers have to be especially vigilant not to provide any reason to be accused of a wrongdoing towards a student.

* Male math teacher at my school

1. From what I know/see; it is okay for male staff to give side hugs to female students, but not full-on front hugs. I think the main reason people take issue with this, is the numerous cases of teachers sexually harassing students.

2. I agree with it because at the end of the day, I want students to feel comfortable and safe.

3. I think most people think it’s bad because it can make the students feel uncomfortable, and again, the number of sexual harassment cases.

4. I don’t really know if its over or underrated. To me it comes down to how the individual student feels and also the views of those on the outside looking in.

* Male business teacher at my school

1. Because we live in a world that accuses male staff of being perverts.

2. It is a form of discrimination against males in general. Of course, it is o.k. for anyone to give or receive hugs; but in this day and time, men are nervous about being accused of being inappropriate in a business environment.

3. I think in a school/business environment, it is best to conduct oneself in a reserved manor in order that your actions are not misinterpreted.

4. I believe most people are good and kind. In the proper place and time, hugs are fine but are usually reserved for very good friends and family members.

* Female Teacher with 30years experience

1. I am not too sure this is a huge issue. Side hugs are more common between male staff and female students. I have witnessed a full frontal hug between a female athlete and a male coach with zero complaints too.

2. I do think it depends on the teacher and the students. One school I was at (taught at) thought the male teacher was being “creepy” according to female students, but after he was there teaching for many years, no issues ever happened. I learned, after teaching next to him, that he had no daughters, and he really was being sincere with female students.

3. In this day and age, no one can be too careful. Teachers in Texas are federally background checked.

4. I am in the middle of this question too. When minors are involved, schools can never be too careful. Most people in service positions, feel that keeping others safe is paramount.

* Male teacher at my school

1. It goes into the advice we give young children, “Find an adult woman if you’ve lost your parent.” Women are seen as more nurturing on virtue of being women. And, while men, and by extension, father’s, can be nurturing, they are often seen as predatory at worst and inappropriate at best. As a teacher, I am Hyper-aware of any interaction I have with students, especially female students because of this stigma. As a rule, staff are discouraged from any display of affection towards a student we are not related to; but to be a teacher, is to be a caregiver and the traditional role of a caregiver has been a woman’s. So, it doesn’t surprise me if this is ignored on their part.

2. My initial approach to answer this started with a mental checklist of ‘appropriate’ conditions, but after self reflection, my mind trying to find conditions meant that it is not right. For any teacher! But I don’t want to deny those who find comfort in touch to receive comfort in distress, so the solution has to lie in student peers. This is not to say that a teacher’s first option to help a crying student is to issue them a buddy; but emotional connection in that way can very easily become a problem in the student/teacher power dynamic.

3. While teachers and parents are both caregivers, what is appropriate for a parent may not be appropriate for a teacher. As a teacher, I avoid any situation where I am alone with a student because I couldn’t rightly defend myself if said student decided to lie about the circumstances. It is self preservation. Even around other students or staff, I avoid it. There are a few features involved, but primarily it is the responsibility of my position as an authoritative figure in a student’s life and maintaining a professional relationship over a personal one is better for both parties.

4. It doesn’t make me feel good that there is always that underlying suspicion that male teachers are harder to trust in their intentions, but it is a stigma I live with and recognize that at least for now protects the most kids. The feminist in me rails at the unequal treatment compared to my female peers but to that point, the guidelines is that contact is avoided. I think that it should be enforced on female staff as well as male; and if we do decide to let it stay as it is existent at but not truly enforced. I don’t want to encourage male teachers to do it, we can’t; but I do want to acknowledge the stigma and the lives we are forced to live by not being seen as equal and trustworthy caregivers. To do that, all male teachers must be held to the same standard, even if that means that female teachers lose theirs.

* My brother Joseph Steven T. Male -13 years old

1. Because females are girls, and some teachers are girls and that means they understand each other, and guy teachers don’t understand how girls work but the girl teachers understand them because they were once teenage girls.

2. Yes, I do agree with the statement. The answer to this is in my last answer.

3. I think it’s bad because men are weird and they have bad intentions, not all men but the majority of them.

4. I think it’s underrated because a lot of men are hugging people who don’t want hugs; and in my school, to enter any classroom you have to fist bump any teacher and it’s just the male teachers, and if you don’t, they don’t they yell at you.

* My twin brothers Nicholas and Christian T.

1. Nick – I don’t know man, sexual assault charges; people assume that men will harm female students. For the female staff: women know women, for the male staff: men don’t know women. Chris – pedophilia

2. Nick – yeah, I agree with it because it makes sense. Chris – I agree with it because it’s normal, the norm.

3. They literally said this at the the same exact time; Nick and Chris – Cause it’s gay.

4. Nick – underrated, because not a lot of people care enough about this topic. Chris – overrated; because they should just trust people, guys don’t really care about a lot of things.

* My grandpa, Wilbur Witt – Male

1. Schools think that a female teacher would relate to a female student better than a male teacher; and frankly, they do.

2. Yes, a female teacher will understand the mindset of a female student, a male teacher suffers certain restrictions of understanding.

3. The possibility of ulterior motives constantly haunts the male staff.

4. This perspective cannot dominate the relationship between students and teachers, it is not under or overrated.

* KarrieThePuck – female

1. In my opinion, I think most people think it’s okay for female staff to hug female students, because most females are more comfortable with women than they are with men. Along with that women are uncomfortable around men because of the many cases which media shares to the public. Essentially, women learn not just from the media but from actual life experiences, that they can’t easily trust men.

2. I would say I don’t agree or disagree. Maybe its the cuddle bug in me or maybe it isn’t, but I always give hugs, I’m usually the one who initiates them. I do notice that with most men I will give them a fist bump, but sometimes I will give them sidehugs. One time when I was going back to class from the nurse’s office, I was thinking about getting a hug from a staff member. I got to class and was thinking about giving my teacher a hug, but my teacher was a male. My next thought was What would people think of I gave him a hug?” So, I gave him a fist bump instead. That was what gave me the idea for this article. I believe hugs are completely okay, i don’t think they are that bad unless they are over 5 seconds, but that is merely my opinion.

3. I think most people think it’s bad because we listen to what we hear or talk about, especially when it’s from the media. We listen to this so much so that any kind of physical touch betwet a male staff and a female student will just be seen as an inappropriate teacher/student relationship. It wouldn’t matter if it was genuinely out of the pureness of their hearts, media fails to show that men can be good.

4. I don’t feel like this topic is over-rated or under-rated, because this stuff does happen. Not just between male staff and female students but also between female staff and male students. I feel like people shouldn’t overlook this kind of stuff, but I also believe people shouldn’t react react so quickly and intensely.

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Thanks for Reading this, and stay check out my weekly show – Zoomers to Boomers. I (Zoomer) will be sharing the hosting duties with my friend, and TLB Projects Managing Director, Roger Landry (Boomer). 

Karrie The Puck!

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