In a stunning fashion statement ahead of his highly anticipated debate with JD Vance, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz proudly displayed his new set of earrings. While the public marveled at his bold accessory choice, Walz was quick to assure everyone that the earrings definitely do not have anything to do with receiving secret information via radio signals.

“These are purely decorative,” Walz said with a grin as he tugged at one of the glimmering studs, causing a faint static sound to echo through the debate hall. “I’ve always been a fan of jewelry that matches my unique blend of political pragmatism and lack of connection with reality.”

When asked about the suspiciously large and tech-looking nature of the earrings, Walz laughed nervously. “Look, just because these babies have a small antenna sticking out doesn’t mean I’m receiving instructions in real-time. That would be ridiculous. They’re just Bluetooth-enabled… I mean, fashion-forward.”

Throughout the debate, spectators couldn’t help but notice Walz pausing every few seconds, tilting his head as if listening to something only he could hear. On more than one occasion, his answers suspiciously mirrored well-researched talking points JD Vance had just mentioned—sometimes before Vance even finished speaking.

“I’m just naturally insightful!” Walz said, deflecting suspicions that his newly acquired ear décor might be linked to a covert campaign strategy. “I definitely don’t have someone from the DNC feeding me lines. That’s absurd.”

Rumors began to swirl after the debate when a hot mic caught Walz mumbling, “Hold on, I’m getting another transmission,” during a bathroom break. When confronted about the mishap, his team shrugged it off. “Tim’s just really in tune with the world around him,” his press secretary, Sindi Clapbak, said with a wink. “There’s no proof that the earrings double as CIA-grade communication devices. Just good, old-fashioned fashion.”

Vance, meanwhile, couldn’t resist taking a jab. “If Walz is going to outsource his brain to someone else, he might want to make sure they’re on the same frequency. Half the time he looked like he was buffering.”

As the debate ended, one thing was clear: while Walz’s earrings may have added some sparkle, the questions surrounding their true purpose have only grown louder. Walz, however, remains adamant: “Next debate, I might show up with a pair of Google Glass. And no, those won’t have anything to do with receiving information either.”

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