The legendary punk band, The Sex Pistols has announced that none other than Axl Rose will be stepping in as their lead singer for their highly anticipated reunion tour. The decision has left fans of both Guns N’ Roses and the Sex Pistols reeling in a state of glorious confusion. 

The announcement has led to a flurry of speculation about what this unexpected collaboration will bring. Will Axl don a safety pin through his nose? Will the Pistols’ anti-establishment anthems get an epic arena rock makeover? What about “God Save the Queen”? Will it now include a five-minute guitar solo by Slash? Anarchy in Paradise City? Oh the humanity.

Sex Pistols Starring Axl Rose

The Sex Pistols formed in London in 1975. The original members were John Lydon aka Johnny Rotten, Glen Matlock, Steve Jones and Paul Cook. Matlock was later replaced by Sid Vicious. Their debut album Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols (1977) was a UK number one and is regarded as seminal in the development of punk rock. The band broke up in 1978 and Vicious died of a heroin overdose in February 1979 following his arrest for the alleged murder of his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen. Rotten, Jones, Cook and Matlock later reunited for a successful tour in 1996.

The Sex Pistols’ last reunion wrapped up in 2008; they haven’t played as a band since Spain’s Running of the Bulls Festival that September. But now the Pistols have announced two shows in August. It was originally announced that former Gallows singer Frank Carter would replace Rotten as lead singer. However, Carter pulled a groin muscle during the band’s first rehearsal. So of course Axl was the next best choice. Rose got the call and flew out immediately. “Have Mic, Will Travel” said Rose. “I am like the Rock n Roll Batman. Whenever a band is in need of a singer they just flash the Axl signal into the sky and I show up.”

Jammie Dodgers

John Lydon and his former bandmates are not on speaking terms after Lydon sued them to prevent the bands music from being used in a biscuit commercial. To interpret, what Brits call a biscuit, us Americans call a cookie. You may ask what then do Brits call American biscuits? They don’t call them anything because they eat scones instead. American biscuits have been banned in England since 1776. Anyway, The band’s song “Bodies” was to be used to sell Mrs. Terwilliger’s Jammie Dodgers. Lydon sued to stop the nonsense but lost in court. He vowed he would never perform with these wankers ever again. 

Other singers were also considered by the band to replace Rotten. All in all, John Mayer, Lizzo, Ariana Grande, Robert Plant and many others were auditioned. However, at the end of the day Axl was the best fit. “He has the punk sensibility” said guitarist Steve Jones. “He is every bit as erratic, volatile and explosive as Johnny. I voted for Lizzo though, just saying.” 

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