A confused and mumbling Joe Biden surprised the country by announcing his candidacy for the 2024 presidency, shortly before being led away by handlers, sources confirmed. 

“Please ignore our current sitting president,” explained White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “He was just doing a little prank on everybody this morning, just a little goofing around. Please ignore the rumors circulating that he has no idea what’s going on and still thinks he’s running for re-election in a few months. There’s no truth to that whatsoever, despite what his speech this morning may have made you believe.” 

The mixed messaging was confusing for Democratic voters. 

“Wait, so is Joe running or not?” asked local Democrat Ted Jones. “Because one minute he’s talking about how he’s gonna whoop Trump in ‘24 and do four more years and all that, and next thing I know they’ve cut off his mic and are insisting to me that he was just joking. This election is just so hard to follow.”

As of press time, Kamala Harris pulled a gun on an interviewer who asked her about the Biden situation.