Over the years, PETA and animals have always been able to count on Chrissie Hynde. In fact, there is absolutely nothing that the gutsy, outspoken Pretenders frontwoman and founder wouldn’t do to further the cause of animal rights.

Recently PETA held a luncheon to discuss ways for fast food chains to incorporate vegan options into their menus. Top executives from McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Starbucks, KFC and Burger King were in attendance. Bob Rooker, Vice President in charge of Menu Strategy for McDonalds commented that he will go anywhere for a free lunch. “I love stuffing my face and nothing tastes better than free food.”

Chrissie Hynde & PETA

Rocker Chrissie Hyde was to be the keynote speaker and chef of the event. Hynde served a delicious “Vegan” lunch to the executives with the many different options they could offer on their menus. Items included Vegan burgers, cheese, fried chicken and dairy free “Sheese”. 

The executives enjoyed the free lunch, as executives enjoy anything free. They politely told Hynde they were not interested in offering her vegan options. “It tasted and smelled like wide open ass” said Matthew Morgan, VP of something at Fat Burger. “I wouldn’t serve that swill to my dog. Who is this Chrissie Hynde anyway? I am not a fan of her music. I prefer Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.”

It’s People

Chrissie then lowered the boom on them. Hynde jumped on the table and screamed “It’s People!”. She was laughing maniacally as she explained to the execs that all the dishes they ate were made out of 100% human flesh! “You are all cannibals”, she screamed.

The executives were vomiting and ran screaming for the exits. They were crying and washing their mouths out with bleach. KFC honcho Doug Durrum declared “That woman has gone too far this time! She will pay for this!” 

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