Babylon Bee  


Entire Microsoft Network Goes Down After Greg Removes USB Device Without Clicking 'Eject' First

REDMOND, WA — Microsoft servers across the globe crashed Friday after Microsoft employee Greg Wilson ...View More

Babylon Bee Editorial: Joe Biden Is Of Sound Mind And Body And The Cruel Attacks On Him Must Stop

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for The Babylon Bee editorial board to opine ...View More

Revealed: Biden's Nickname For Each Member Of His Administration

American presidents have been giving nicknames to members of their cabinet ever since George Washing ...View More

Most Popular President In History Inundated With Calls To Step Down

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A great upheaval was felt across the political landscape today as the most popula ...View More

Republicans Concerned It’s Going To Be Harder Than Usual To Blow This Election

MILWAUKEE, WI — Riding a wave of increased popularity with November swiftly approaching, prominent m ...View More

Democrat Leaders Make Tough Decision To Place Biden On Hospice Following COVID Diagnosis

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Five minutes after news broke that President Biden has been diagnosed with COVID, ...View More

85 Minutes Into Rules Explanation, Man Regrets Agreeing To Play Friend's Fun New Board Game

MURFREESBORO, TN — Sources close to Scott Trimble report that the 36-year old began to "highly regre ...View More

Goliath Claims He Only Lost Because He Fought David On Slightly Sloped Surface

VALLEY OF ELAH — Archaeological findings from the Judean Foothills have just shed new light on the s ...View More

In Lieu Of Raise, Pastor Given A Generous 3 Extra Hours Of Vacation

ST. LOUIS, MO — A local pastor's quality of life saw a dramatic improvement this week, as he was inf ...View More

'Welp, Nothing We Can Do Now,' Sighs Secret Service After Assassin Climbs On Modestly Sloped Roof

DES MOINES, IA — Sources within the Secret Service recently confirmed that the nation's finest agent ...View More

Nike Signs 82-Year-Old Ethel Jenkins To $12 Million Pickleball Endorsement Deal

ORLANDO, FL — A spokesman for Nike has just confirmed that the athletic apparel giant has just finis ...View More

Vance Dons Helmet And Body Armor In Preparation To Run With Trump

U.S. — Trump's newly announced running mate JD Vance prepared to campaign with the former President  ...View More

Woman Worried Her Eyebrows Aren’t Stupid Enough

RICHMOND, VA — Local woman Shayleigh Jennings is reportedly growing worried that her eyebrows might  ...View More

JD Vance Horrified To Learn He Must Now Use Truth Social

U.S. — Trump's official VP pick JD Vance was horrified today after learning he will now have to comm ...View More

FBI Wonders If Perhaps They’ve Been Investigating The Wrong People This Whole Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After yet another deadly attack perpetrated by a deranged leftist, this time comi ...View More

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