Sometimes, we run across a story on Twitter that honestly just makes us want to throw up our hands and ask Elon Musk to take the sane people to Mars already. What's that guy waiting for, anyway? 

Today was one of those days. 

Not satisfied with 'men can be women' and 'men can get pregnant,' the newest craze of the mentally ill (at least in Japan) is 'men can be dogs.'

Man who spent $14K to become a collie changes his mind after realizing it's 'very difficult' to walk like a dog https://t.co/GrvkuQiOgt pic.twitter.com/Y8TAcWWuyo

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) May 28, 2024

OK, maybe men can't be dogs. But did you really have to spend $14K on a custom collie costume in order to learn that lesson? 

Here are some more of the facepalming details from The Daily Mail: 

A Japanese man who spent thousands of dollars to transform into a dog said that he has changed his mind after realizing it's hard to walk like a dog. 

Toco spent $14,000 on a custom-made rough collie costume in 2022 in order to fulfill his lifelong fantasy of 'becoming an animal.' 

But now, he has revealed that the challenges of moving like a dog have made him consider imitating other animals. 

Oh, for crying out loud. How about not trying to become ANY animals? Did you consider that option? 

Toco says that he hides his face in all of his social media videos of him trying and failing to be a dog because his co-workers would 'think it's weird.' 

Gee, ya think? 

But thankfully, The Daily Mail shared one of those videos. And since we watched it, now you have to. Those are the rules. 

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WOOF. Go home, fake collie. You're drunk. 

We're a little scared though that this man will now demand to participate in the Westminster Dog Show because if men can play in women's sports, why shouldn't men be allowed to play in dog sports? Right, trans activists?

As you can imagine, Twitter decided to have a little fun with Toco. 

The other dogs.. are like.. pic.twitter.com/EjVEvM0J3b

— Fusion (@fusion_ogbetas) May 28, 2024

If you watch the full video above (and we won't blame you if you don't), you can see that the other dogs are INDEED weirded out by this intruder in their midst. 

Babylon Bee might as well pack it in. https://t.co/fkDONOTHTj

— FilmLadd (@FilmLadd) May 28, 2024

Hey @The_Kyle_Mann time to fire the writers again. Reality has outdone satire https://t.co/UmWZHjnwKP

— Clay (@GhostStalker451) May 28, 2024

Not even Kyle Mann or Seth Dillon would come up with something this crazy. We think. We ... hope? 

Again, this is why aliens lock their doors when they fly past us https://t.co/chSGx8agKt

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) May 28, 2024

Can you blame them? There seem to be no signs of intelligent life anywhere. 

He's having a ruff time of it, perhaps he should paws and reflect on how he found himself barking up the wrong tree. Here's hoping he can find a new leash on life.

I know, I'm disappointed in me, too. https://t.co/MNIavqhgvk

— Joanne Mason (@JoanneMason11) May 28, 2024

OK, now stop it. We are going to take away your license to tweet if you keep up with that sort of commentary.

#BetoWasAFurry https://t.co/fg4PCkqFcW

— GayPatriot 🇺🇸 🇮🇱 🌈 (@GayPatriot) May 28, 2024

Oooooo-kay. Moving on now. LOL. 

If the saying 'barking up the wrong tree' was a person. https://t.co/ww7TMVflyI

— Artist_Angie: Sensei of Sarcasm (@Artist_Angie) May 28, 2024

We MEAN IT with the puns. We'll stop this article right here and now. 

Mitch Hedberg explains https://t.co/ATayiFCOoM pic.twitter.com/FJAhMdxa46

— Greg Scott (@GScottSays) May 28, 2024

Awww. We miss Mitch Hedberg. He could always make everyone laugh. 

Skill issue.

I have 2 dogs and they have no difficulty walking at all. https://t.co/TIv9VmzM4A

— Shane's Hat ✝️ (@oklumberman) May 28, 2024

HA. Those pesky issues like biology, physiology, and genetics are always so strict, aren't they? 

No one likes a quitter!! https://t.co/UEhnpasq7C

— PhotographicFloridian (@JackLinFLL) May 29, 2024

We'll make an exception to that rule in this case. Please quit, Toco. And do not try to become any other animals. No one wants to see Toco the Kangaroo. 

That was the whole point of Johnny the Walrus, wasn't it? 

We live in the stupidest of times.https://t.co/DZrTM7zBh1

— Bonk (@BonkPolitics) May 28, 2024

No argument here. 

Im telling you, there is LSD in the water supply. https://t.co/2iRkrw1H5H

— varifrank (@varifrank) May 28, 2024

At this point, we're ready to believe almost any conspiracy theory that would explain behavior like this. 

I would ask how you spend $14K to become a collie without practicing the walking to find out whether or not it’s comfortable, but this person clearly has bigger problems. https://t.co/VzIaG93diR

— John William Sherrod (@jwsherrod) May 28, 2024

It's just bad research ... on top of bad everything else. 

Said man was not available for further comment, because he was too busy licking himself. https://t.co/3EZKf2OMSS

— Beorn (@Beorn2000) May 29, 2024

WE DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

We have a massive mental health crisis.https://t.co/5eYXSnNWew

— The American Girl (@TheAmericanGrl) May 28, 2024

damn, i was told once someone transitions, they are forever happy? you mean people have regrets? https://t.co/aIvwcCQaEn

— The California Refugee (@NewsomRefugee) May 28, 2024

Good point. We see what you did there. 

Bringing this back to Elon Musk, while this story makes this writer want to go to Mars, someone else had a different idea that Musk could work on: 

Elon needs to start building Starships that can make one way trips to the Sun. 😬

— Solon (@Solon_Prime) May 28, 2024

Simpsons did it. 

Maybe he should consider becoming Egyptian instead. pic.twitter.com/lbD2P5Oqu7

— George Thomas (@georgethomas.bsky.social) (@FordPrefect747) May 28, 2024

via GIPHY

OK, that was a good one. 

So he never rescued the little boy who fell down the well?

— That One Guy Who Is Always Right. (@RickLazzarini) May 28, 2024

Clearly he should consider a lateral move into lycanthropy. He can walk upright and still use most of his costume.

— Tony Dyl (@dyl_tony) May 28, 2024

PLEASE do not give him any ideas. 

What a b*tch. https://t.co/ehFYqWcHFw

— Lono (@LonoSG) May 28, 2024

LOL. And now we're dead.

Before we leave poor, deluded Toco to hopefully reflect and find sanity, we'll just point out once more that there is exactly zero difference between him trying to become a dog and people who believe that men can become women and vice versa.

We say that Taco is mentally ill and needs help, not anyone 'affirming' that he should be able to become a dog. We should similarly say that to anyone who refuses to recognize that human biology and genetics are ALSO immutable.

All this story does is bring some new perspective to that reality. 

In other words, Toco, 'Stop trying to make 'Fetch' happen.'

(We're sorry for that. We'll see ourselves out.)