Note: This is a satirical piece.

Winston Churchill famously said, “Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.” 

Trump was trouncing Biden. Then he survived an assassination attempt with an exhilarating fist pump. He was set to win big.

Kimberly Cheatle, the DEI Secret Service head, was forced to resign her Democrat-appointed position in disgrace when she failed to let Trump get assassinated. Worry not: She will find a new job as head of Customer Service at Delta Airlines.

This just a couple weeks ago. Now Trump is facing Kamala Harris, but not really. She has not done any interviews since becoming the nominee. She is radical, unlikeable and inept; thus, she will continue to be put in the Candidate Protection Program by Dems. The same thing they did with Biden in his basement in 2020.

Trump is not running against Kamala. Trump is running against the repackaging propaganda machine for her, the mainstream media.

There are body bags of objectionable positions Kamala has taken out there on tape: defund the police, pay bail for BLM felons, open borders, raise taxes. She cast the tie-breaking vote on $2 trillion in unnecessary spending which led to our inflation, funded the green new deal scam, stupid wars and has been soft on crime. 

The positions the media have not hidden, they just ignore. There was a time when honest journalists uncovered stories. Today, they cover them up. The Babylon Bee had a headline: CNN Awarded Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievements In Deleting Old Stories About Kamala Harris.

With Kamala, they will whitewash or bury her ultra-liberal past and annoying vapid nasally sound bites. They are repositioning her. Jesus turned water into wine; our media will turn a whiner into Jesse Watters.

Fellow lib Greasy Gavin Newsom has her revisionist back. He is suddenly clearing the homeless off the streets of the dystopian hellscape California has become. To be fair, it’s hard to discern the homeless men sleeping on the street, from the men who just lost an argument with their wife. If enforcing the law works with removing the homeless, Dems are going to look at cracking down on murder next.

After repeating the battle cry that Trump “was a threat to democracy,” the Dems nominated Kamala Harris on an online count of delegates fourteen days before the convention. I know four truths in life now: Never ask a woman her age or weight, a man his salary, a German why his grandfather lived in Argentina or a Democrat how they elect their party’s nominee. 

Trump, if he can cut through the liberal media, wins, because his policies are better. He has to strike the contrast. He must stop calling people names (he dubbed his opponent “Low IQ.”) Trumps overworks his adjectives so hard, if they ever catch him alone, they will stab him to death. 

Dems are void of ideas. There is no deep ideological current coursing through them. They are only running on their hatred of Trump and lust for power. That is not a policy position; it is a mental condition.  

The derangement continues … Kamala was told to pick diehard leftist Tim Walz as her running mate. Dems passed on Shapiro because he was Jewish, and it might alienate the Death to Israel vote in Michigan. 

Walz is as angry and almost as far left as she. He has one of those angry Liz Cheney faces. You know, one of those who has that face who hates Trump, but has not told anyone for ten minutes. 

“Walz” is a perfect name. It is how the at least 10 million illegals got into our country under Biden/Harris’ Sergeant Schultz-like “I see nothing” border policy. 

Kamala ties Trump, the market tanks. She will be a disaster, because unlike old “Scranton Joe,” she really believes all the left wing BS. If elected, we will miss the good old days of an affable dementia patient reading speeches to us from the teleprompter. 

Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.