ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel’s week of liberal guests concluded with Rep. Eric Swalwell as Kimmel asked such thought-provoking questions as “Ted Cruz, like, is he eating the urinal cakes?” For his part, Swalwell saw something sinister in Republicans being nice to him.

Kimmel began with a clip of Swalwell ranting at a House hearing at Republicans for supporting Donald Trump. Afterwards, he wondered, “On, like, just a human level, when you eviscerate your fellow members of Congress like that, what is it like afterwards? Like, are you guys in the cafeteria together? What kind of conversations do you have after that?”

Swalwell recalled interacting with several Republicans outside of Congress, one of which was “Ted Cruz during the impeachment, you know, the second impeachment, I should clarify. We're on a break, we're in the bathroom, and I'm washing my hands, he washes his.”

After Kimmel interrupted to ask, “He washes his hands?,” Swalwell continued, “He puts his fist out, and I was like, ‘Hey, Ted’ and I gave him, like, a fist bump back and he could tell I was looking at him like he had three heads because the night before he was roasting me on Fox News and he says to me, he goes, ‘You know, you're doing a really good job out there.’ I'm like 'what is this guy talking about?' He goes, ‘No, really, you're doing a good job.’ It occurred to me, for these guys, they're just pro wrestlers.”

One could argue Swalwell ranting at Republicans in front of the CSPAN cameras and then basking in the glory of it on Jimmy Kimmel Live! or asking Ben Shapiro about things unrelated to the hearing of the day makes him a similar “pro wrestler.” Alternatively, Republicans were just trying to be nice because politics shouldn’t dominate trips to the restroom.

What isn’t nice is Kimmel’s handling of his rivalry with Cruz. Later on, he would ask, “In the bathroom, is Ted Cruz, like, is he eating the urinal cakes? Or what's he up to?”

Recalling earlier in the week, Kimmel added, “Adam Kinzinger… I think he said something similar about, like, Trump—do you know—does Trump like that? Is he like Hulk Hogan also back there?”

Swalwell claimed that Trump is “an entertainer. He's just an entertainer, yeah.”

Kimmel followed up by wondering, “So, he’s friendly to you when you see him?”

Swalwell recalled, “He told me I do a good job on TV… that's all that matters to this guy. Again, the consequences for everyone, like women and their bodies, kids and their safety at school, you know, seniors and their health care, to him, it's just me, me, me. And that comes first and so if he sees someone else on TV, again, when the cameras aren't on, ‘hey, yeah, we’re in the club.’ It's like, 'No, buddy, there's actually real consequences and stakes for what you're taking us all through.'”

As hard as it may be for Swalwell to believe, just because Republicans are nice to him in private doesn’t mean they don’t have sincerely held beliefs and think his policies produce serious negative outcomes.

A Democratic appearance on a late night comedy show would not be complete without some Harris 2024 promotional material, as Kimmel concluded by asking, “You've known Kamala Harris for a long time, right?”

Swalwell affirmed he had and recalled his time in the Alameda County prosecutor’s office and an old aircraft carrier analogy, “When I joined the office… I asked colleagues, 'What kind of trial lawyer was she?' And across the board, everyone said Kamala was a fighter pilot, she took the hardest cases out and I think you’re going to see that on Tuesday night.”

After doing nothing but taking himself seriously, Swalwell praised Harris for supposedly not taking herself seriously, “She's serious. She doesn't take herself too seriously. But she's also fearless, and also, she knows how to have a little bit of fun, and I think, Jimmy, the team that has the most fun is the team that wins. Now, we can't—on November 5, we don't count joy. We count votes. We've got work to do over the next 60 days and this is a tight race. But she's going to show that she cares about you and the future.”

Here is a transcript for the September 6-taped show:

ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live

9/7/2024

12:24 AM ET

JIMMY KIMMEL: On, like, just a human level, when you eviscerate your fellow members of Congress like that, what is it like afterwards? Like, are you guys in the cafeteria together? What kind of conversations do you have after that?

SWALWELL: There's a gym. Like a Congressional gym.

KIMMEL: Heard about that.

SWALWELL: You have Jim Jordan, sometimes he's on, like, the elliptical next to my treadmill and the first couple of times I thought, "this is going to be really awkward," but you go in there and he’s like "Hey, Swalwell, how you doing, man?"

I'll see Matt Gaetz out at a restaurant in D.C and he'll cover and be like,  "Hey, buddy, how's it going?" 

Ted Cruz during the impeachment, you know, the second impeachment, I should clarify. We're on a break, we're in the bathroom, and I'm washing my hands, he washes his.

KIMMEL: He washes his hands? 

SWALWELL: The cleanest they've ever been and he looks at me and he goes "Hey, man, we've never met, I'm Ted." 

He puts his fist out, and I was like, "Hey, Ted" and I gave him, like, a fist bump back and he could tell I was looking at him like he had three heads because the night before he was roasting me on Fox News and he says to me, he goes, "You know, you're doing a really good job out there." I'm like ‘what is this guy talking about?’ He goes, "No, really, you're doing a good job." It occurred to me, for these guys, they're just pro wrestlers.

…

KIMMEL: In the bathroom, is Ted Cruz, like, is he eating the urinal cakes? Or what's he up to? Adam Kinzinger was here. He is, for those who don't know, he's a former Republican congressman who's very outspoken against Donald Trump and has really been, I think, persecuted by a lot of -- even members of his family, et cetera, you know, these people. He-- I think he said something similar about, like, Trump -- do you know- does Trump like that? Is he like Hulk Hogan also back there?

SWALWELL: He's an entertainer. He's just an entertainer, yeah.

KIMMEL: So, he’s friendly to you when you see him?

SWALWELL: He told me I do a good job on TV.

KIMMEL: He did?

SWALWELL: Yeah, that's all that matters to this guy. Again, the consequences for everyone, like women and their bodies, kids and their safety at school, you know, seniors and their health care, to him, it's just me, me, me. And that comes first and so if he sees someone else on TV, again, when the cameras aren't on, ‘hey, yeah, we’re in the club.’ It's like, “No, buddy, there's actually real consequences and stakes for what you're taking us all through.”

KIMMEL: That is just crazy.

…

KIMMEL: You've known Kamala Harris for a long time, right?

SWALWELL: Yeah. She and I both got our start in the same prosecutor's office in Oakland. We were a couple of years apart. We worked for the same boss, though, and this boss, Tom Orloff, he described the prosecutor's office in Alameda County where Earl Warren was the D.A, that it was like an aircraft carrier and you had the flight crew who were important, the lawyers who supported the fighter pilots and the fighter pilots were the ones who took out the hardest cases to do justice, and they were fearless. 

And when I joined the office and was starting to hear about Kamala Harris, you know, in the attorney general's office, I asked colleagues, “What kind of trial lawyer was she?” And across the board, everyone said Kamala was a fighter pilot, she took the hardest cases out and I think you’re going to see that on Tuesday night.

She's serious. She doesn't take herself too seriously. But she's also fearless, and also, she knows how to have a little bit of fun, and I think, Jimmy, the team that has the most fun is the team that wins. Now, we can't -- on November 5, we don't count joy. We count votes. We've got work to do over the next 60 days and this is a tight race. But she's going to show that she cares about you and the future –

KIMMEL: You mean me, personally?

SWALWELL: She really cares about you.

KIMMEL: Oh, that's really nice.