On Sunday we delivered the BREAKING NEWS:

ALIENS ONBOARD INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION!

Okay — not really.  But wouldn’t that have been super cool!?  I guess it depends on their intentions towards us.  Which might depend on how quickly Kamala Harris can fly them to a sanctuary city, fast-track their citizenship, and register them to vote.

Obviously, if space aliens were found to be hiding aboard the ISS… I’m 100% in favor of a wall.  Space wall.  But I digress.  Back to the story at hand.

So, if it wasn’t aliens…?  (Can you really trust “them” to tell us, though???)  I’m not saying it was aliens, but —

Here’s a newer (longer) audio of the one we shared Sunday of the incident.  I still can’t imagine being in that situation, having to ask the NASA ground team: “Um…. did you guys hear that?”

This is terrifying: NASA’s Starliner crew, who are stuck in space, reported hearing strange ‘sonar-like noises’ emanating from their craft on September 1, 2024.

A somewhat eerie noise started to emit from the Starliner spacecraft, and astronaut Butch Wilmore said to Mission… pic.twitter.com/tnt222p1eg

— Vicky Verma (@Unexplained2020) September 1, 2024

According to Fox 35 out of Orlando (for those who didn’t catch the breaking news on Sunday):

NASA said astronauts are often told to report sounds to mission control. The feedback that was heard “has no technical impact to the crew, Starliner, or station operations, including Starliner’s uncrewed unlocking from the station,” currently set for Friday, Sept. 6.

Astronaut Wilmore reported the noise to Mission Control in Houston, Texas, over the weekend.

According to a widely reported audio recording of the exchange, Wilmore held a phone to the speakers so Mission Control could also hear it.

Alright — I won’t keep you in suspense any longer.  Here’s the verdict put out by NASA Commercial Crew:

A pulsing sound from a speaker in Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft heard by NASA astronaut Butch Wilmore aboard the International Space Station has stopped. The feedback from the speaker was the result of an audio configuration between the space station and Starliner. The space…

— NASA Commercial Crew (@Commercial_Crew) September 2, 2024

A pulsing sound from a speaker in Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft heard by NASA astronaut Butch Wilmore aboard the International Space Station has stopped. The feedback from the speaker was the result of an audio configuration between the space station and Starliner. The space station audio system is complex, allowing multiple spacecraft and modules to be interconnected, and it is common to experience noise and feedback. The crew is asked to contact mission control when they hear sounds originating in the comm system. The speaker feedback Wilmore reported has no technical impact to the crew, Starliner, or station operations, including Starliner’s uncrewed undocking from the station no earlier than Friday, Sept. 6.

Like I said, allegedly not space aliens.  But considering astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams are probably looking forward to safely ending their unplanned extended-stay aboard the ISS as soon as possible, I can at least be happy for them that it’s not space aliens.  Allegedly.

For a more on the astronauts’ situation, here’s a little more detail from the Fox article referenced earlier:

Astronauts Wilmore and Suni Williams arrived at the International Space Station on June 6, 2024, as part of Starliner’s long-delayed light test. However, on the way to the ISS, Boeing’s Starliner experienced helium leaks and issues with some of its thrusters.

The astronauts were supposed to be aboard the ISS for eight days and then return to Earth. September 6 will mark three months that Wilmore and Williams have been aboard the ISS.

“For many of us, it was ‘Oh, here we go again. Another day, another Starliner event,’” said Zac Aubert, Founder of The Launch Pad. “I can only imagine what it was like being on the station working, and you just hear this sound coming from down the corridor in the station. It probably felt pretty weird, but I’m glad it ended up being just a program set up wrong.”

So there you have it.  Full “disclosure”.  It was a simple tech issue all along.  Definitely not space aliens.

Which is probably a good thing — or my hypothetical scenario of fast-tracked citizenship and space alien voting would have surely become a hot-button issue.  Mainstream media would have refused to cover it.  Republicans would have been called “speci-ists” by Democrats.  And who knows that Kamala Harris doesn’t just decide to swap out her current running mate for a space alien.

Considering the craziness of this election, at this point… I wouldn’t be surprised.