PORTLAND, OR — Sources confirmed a local progressive mother with three transgender kids adamantly stated that "parents should never brainwash their kids into their religion."

According to reports, Krandla Brane was infuriated at the sight of a local Christian family praying in public at a restaurant and launched into a tirade on how no parents should ever be allowed to brainwash their unsuspecting kids into their religion.

"Disgusting — look at those bigoted parents trying to coerce their kids into believing what they believe!" Brane muttered, watching the family bow their heads in prayer. "Quinn, have you taken your puberty blockers yet today? Do it, now! You don't want to stay in that body, do you? Ugh. And Finley! You need to insert your dilator into your neovagina immediately! Don't make me do it for you! All right, kids — let's review the catechism of the 435 main genders again."

Brane allegedly spent several hours teaching her children the ways of gender ideology, interspersing her pontificating on sexual matters with interludes on the immense disservice that Christian parents were doing to their children by forcing them to grow up in a Christian home.

"Just raise them without a worldview and let them choose for themselves!" Brane said.

At publishing time, Brane had gone on a crusade against her local school board for keeping bigoted, biased things like the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms instead of depictions of the Gender Unicorn.

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