Dr. Vernon Coleman made an application to join the British intelligence services.  Here’s what happened next …

By Dr. Vernon Coleman

January 1
11.50 a.m.
A few months ago I saw an advertisement from MI5. They were looking for a new Chief Scientific Advisor. I couldn’t resist it. I obtained an application form and filled it in. It was all terribly casual though they did tell me I shouldn’t tell anyone I’d applied. (So don’t tell anyone I told you.) I sent in an e-mail request for a form and it occurred to me afterwards that the people at MI5 who routinely read my e-mails must have had something close to a fit when they saw it.

When I told The Princess I had applied for a job at MI5 she misheard and wanted to know why I’d applied for a job with a furniture superstore. “There are two things I don’t understand,” she said. “Why do you want a job with MFI and why can’t I tell anyone?” I told her I couldn’t answer either question.

When the form arrived, I filled it in very neatly. I gave them the Post Box address, of course. Either they know where we really live (in which case they don’t need to be told) or they don’t (in which case I’m not going to tell them and they’re so incompetent that they don’t deserve to know anyway). On the form, they seemed more concerned about whether I had any disabilities than anything else. They asked three times and in the end, because I felt that I wasn’t likely to be taken seriously unless I could tell them about some disablement, I made something up. I can’t remember what it was now so if anyone ever finds the form and asks me about it, I’ll be in a tricky position.

Going through my accumulated e-mails I see that I haven’t got the job.

I wasn’t terribly disappointed or surprised.

The Princess said she wondered if it was because they thought I was too old and asked if I thought I should take them to an industrial tribunal. The thought did appeal but somehow I expect I’ll forget about it and never get round to doing anything. It would be a jolly wheeze, though.

It did occur to me this afternoon that if they had any sense, they would have hired me. A bit of imagination and lateral thinking wouldn’t have done them any harm.

The above is taken from `Diary of a Disgruntled Man’ by Vernon Coleman. It is the first of Vernon Coleman’s series of diaries – for the year 2011.  To purchase a copy please CLICK HERE.

About the Author

Vernon Coleman MB ChB DSc practised medicine for ten years. He has been a full-time professional author for over 30 years. He is a novelist and campaigning writer and has written many non-fiction books.  He has written over 100 books which have been translated into 22 languages. On his website, www.vernoncoleman.com,  there are hundreds of articles which are free to read.

There are no ads, no fees and no requests for donations on Dr. Coleman’s website or videos. He pays for everything through book sales. If you want to help finance his work, please just buy a book – there are over 100 books by Vernon Coleman in print on Amazon.