Billie Jauss, who is an author married to a baseball coach, recently spoke with The Stream about her latest book, Baseball Family: Nine Core Qualities for Developing Healthy Relationships. When she realized she was able to develop deep and meaningful relationships within the baseball world, but had trouble doing so elsewhere, she was determined to find out why. Here she discusses the nine core qualities she discovered are necessary to develop deep and meaningful relationships anywhere — and how to love others well, regardless of the depth of the relationship.

The Stream: Why did you write Baseball Family?

Billie Jauss: Baseball Family was birthed out of an experience I had with a friendship that did not go the way I thought it was going to.

I was questioning why I was having such difficulty in the “real world” with friendships when I don’t have that within my baseball family — it seems to be different. I just started trying to evaluate why that was. The Lord took me down a path of just realizing the different types of relationships we have and what He’s called us to do. Not just what we want to do, but what He’s called us to do — to be with other people.

TS: You used the analogy of baseball throughout this book. Why is that important?

BJ: I just thought it was a cute way to connect how I see things work within baseball, because that’s my life. My husband’s been in professional ball for 37 years.

All three of my boys work in baseball. All three of my boys played baseball. All of them played through high school, two in college, one professionally. The one who played professionally played here in the States and then overseas. Our life is pretty much consumed by baseball. Seeing the inner workings of how relationships relate to that I thought was a really cool way to pull in examples as to how we can relate with others and how each of the nine core qualities can be shown in those ways.

TS: What are the nine core qualities and why are they important?

BJ: The nine core qualities are selflessness, inclusion, supportiveness, peacemaking, encouragement, compassion, respect, trustworthiness, and generosity. I started looking into God’s qualities, those that Jesus had when He walked on the earth, and also the qualities that He’s calling us to exchange. There’s a relational exchange with people every day. In those exchanges, what is it that God wants us to do to represent Him? The book is based on John 13:34 and 35,

“A new command I give you: Love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are My disciples if you love one another.”

God’s not telling us “You can love this one and this one, but not that one and that one.” He says to love one another. Those nine core qualities are the foundation of how we love others.

TS: That’s difficult for some people. How do we love someone when they’ve hurt us or we’re damaged? How do we get to that point?

BJ: In the book, I also talk about four relationships. That was something I first started looking into — how I built healthy relationships within baseball and how I could build them outside of baseball.

The Lord really showed me these four relationships that we encounter every day [Accidental Acquaintances, Social Circles, Kindred Spirits, and Forever Family]. Between those and digging into these nine core qualities, I really saw how even those people whom we thought might be closest to us — but they’ve hurt us or they’ve not been trustworthy or they’ve done something that’s damaged our relationship — we don’t put them in the Forever Family category. They go back to the Social Circle category.

In each of these categories, there are different boundaries. With our Accidental Acquaintances — the people that we meet in passing — we’re not going to have the level of trust that we do with our Forever Family. That’s more of a mutual trust. There’s some trust within our Social Circle. But if it’s broken in our Forever Family, they go in our Social Circle, and that trust level is not just freely given there. There are boundaries in trusting that person.

I think about those four relationships every day when I encounter another human being. I know that I don’t have to trust someone with my life story if I’m just meeting them in passing.  

TS: What role should faith play in building and maintaining strong relationships?

BJ: Well, we’re going back to John 13:34 and 35. It’s so that other people know that we are Christ’s disciples. It’s so that other people see the love that Christ has poured into us so that we can pour it out to others freely.

We don’t have to agree with them. We don’t have to look like them, speak like them, be like them, believe like them, or even vote like them. But we have to love them. We’ve been commanded to love one another. God didn’t give us a choice. Jesus didn’t say, “All right, you see those five people over there that don’t vote like you? You don’t have to love them. You can be hateful to them and be angry at them and not love them. But the people that believe like you, you just need to love them.”

That’s not what He said. He commanded us to love one another.

TS: What is the biggest thing you learned while writing this book?

BJ: Those four relationships. The qualities I knew Christ had. They all sort of fell into place for me — the ways that I love others and God loves me. I can call that Kindred Spirit or Forever Family and just let loose, venting about everything that’s hurt my heart and they’re going to be there for me. They’re going to be supportive, they’re going to be encouraging. They’re going to lift my arms up when my arms get tired. But I don’t have to do that with an Uber driver. I can just love them where they are and listen to everything about them. I can encourage them and not expect anything in return.

TS: What do you want readers to take away from reading this book? 

To love more. To love others more. Christ commanded us to love one another as He’s loved us. If we’re true followers of Christ and we believe He loved us so much that He gave his life for us, for the forgiveness of our sins, we should love others out of the overflow of that. 

I jokingly say at times, “Love more, hate less.” But right now in our society, it’s so true, isn’t it? There’s so much hatred and anger out there. And I just pray that this book can make a difference in the life of someone that has been angry and bitter and hating other people, that they can actually open their hearts up to receive that love of Christ and pour that out to others.

TS: Who’s your audience?

BJ: I say Christian women because it is based on faith. It is a book that you go through and read stories about my pain points, but then it teaches on a Scripture.

I go into practical steps. I’m not going to leave you with, “Oh, this is what Jesus says and we’re going to move on.” It’s like, “No, how do we apply this in our lives to go out and actually do what God is asking us to do in that Kingdom-building mindset?” We want to focus on people who Jesus has put in front of us. We want to be purposeful in showing Him and His love.

It’s for Christian women who really want to make an impact on the Kingdom of God. If it’s a mom with three little kids just pausing for a second, she doesn’t have to go start a ministry or jump into big things and build a big platform.

She can love others right where God’s put her, love the kids He’s placed in front of her, love the moms that are around her, love the family that she’s been given.

It’s a book for everybody. You don’t have to understand baseball to read the book because there’s a glossary in the back. It’s more about stories about relationships. This is the world I live in, and these are the stories I have.

Nancy Flory, Ph.D., is a senior editor at The Stream. You can follow her @NancyFlory3, and follow The Stream @Streamdotorg.