Internal emails between Joe Biden staffers that have been leaked to the press have made it clear that the President is mostly just napping at his desk these days. 

“Has anyone heard from POTUS?” began one email from a Biden staffer, dated last Thursday, August 8th. “He had a phone call with the Mexican President at noon and no one has seen him. People are freaking out that he’s been kidnapped or assassinated but I bet he’s just sleeping somewhere again.”

“Oh wait,” began a follow-up email sent shortly after. “He was asleep in the Oval Office again. Poor guy was all tuckered out.” 

The incident was just one of many that found President Biden nodding off in various parts of the White House lately.

“I sure am gonna miss this place,” said Biden, to no one in particular, shortly after awaking from his little cat nap. “These chairs they have in here, incredible. You can’t get a good chair like this out in the world. Aw heck, maybe you can, I don’t know. Oh rats, I had that call with the Mexican President earlier, didn’t I? Looks like I slept right through that. Oh well. Maybe I’ll just sit back here for a few more minutes before I get up. Would someone turn the lights off, please? You have to listen to me. I am still the President for a little while longer.” 

As of press time, emails and calls placed directly to the President right after lunchtime went unreturned.