Tim Walz, governor of Minnesota and Kamala Harris’ recently chosen Vice Presidential candidate, has proven himself relatable to the working class of middle America, by lying about a DUI he got decades ago, sources confirm.

“Huh, maybe we’re not so different after all,” said local Republican Art Waltrip, currently on probation and a suspended license for his third drinking and driving infraction, which he’s desperately trying to keep from his family. “I thought he was another one of these soft-ass democrats, and hell maybe he is, but the way he thought he could keep a DUI secret that everyone was obviously going to find out about has made me think he’s a little more like regular folk than I realized. Good for him.” 

Walz has been leaning into the newfound relatability the DUI has given him in recent campaign appearances. 

“You’ll never see Donald Trump get a DUI,” he said during a recent speech in Pittsburgh. “No, Trump is too removed from the middle class to sneak in a last round of shots before you drive home and then get pulled over because you made an impromptu decision to swerve over to grab some Culver’s. Nope, not Trump. He’s rich and spoiled, he’d just call his driver or something. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be a true American.” 

As of press time, Walz closed his speech by shotgunning a few beers and driving off in a golf cart to thunderous applause from the gathered audience.