WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an uplifting, inspiring address to the American people, Vice-President Kamala Harris offered a valuable bit of advice to American citizens struggling to put food on the table: just try sleeping with your boss.

While Kamala refused to elaborate on her pearl of wisdom for the everyday American, she did go on record by saying that it "worked for me every time."

"So if we examine the passage of time in making ends meet, we can see that the easiest solution is to just try sleeping around with your boss," Kamala explained, cackling at every pause for breath. "HAHAHAHA! It works every time — and there's great significance to the passage of every time. Sleeping with your boss is very simple: you just sleep with them in order to make ends meet. That way your ends will meet. There is great significance to making ends meet. HAHAHAHA!!"

While several political commentators have compared Kamala's advice to Marie Antoinette's infamous "Let them eat cake," most mainstream media outlets have thoroughly debunked this far-right conspiracy theory with the irrefutable observation that "Kamala never told anyone to eat cake — she just advised sleeping around."

At publishing time, Kamala Harris had also suggested that Americans who are struggling financially should just try getting hired in a better job as DEI picks.

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