Hat or No Hat

 Commentary by Bill the Butcher

Years ago, in a land far, far away a baby was born. He had no name. So in lieu of a proper moniker he was simply called, “The New Baby,” which stuck. Later, when he played baseball in elementary school, it was discovered he was a switch hitter, and when he came onto to field, swinging his customary two bats to loosen up, the little girls would scream, “BABE! BABE! BABE!”

Babe had an older sister and three older brothers. And they all made sure New Baby knew his place. And his place was a quiet place. With a scrambled egg sandwich. Only one. Every day. At ten o’clock. With real mayonnaise and four dill pickle slices. On toasted white bread. Anything less wasn’t an egg sandwich. Just feed it to the dog!

He was small in stature. As his vocabulary improved, he preferred to call himself “compact.” For the first few years of life he was condemned to watching the big yellow bus take his siblings off to that mysterious place called “school,” and he dreamed of the day when he too would go to those hallowed halls to make his indelible mark on the world.

When that day arrived he siezed the opportunity. He had to adjust the timing of his traditional egg sandwich, but no matter. He’d make any sacrifice for school. He was not rebellious and believed anything his teachers said at face value. This put him in direct confrontation with a lot of his classmates who would attempt to change his ideas physically. Even though he was a little guy if a fellow student wished to fight they needed to bring his sandwich because it was going to be an all day affair and even if they won, they’d have to do it all over again the next day because New Baby never gave up!

Early on he showed his ability to adjust to adversity. Missing this bus that was supposed to deliver him to the YMCA after school he assumed he’d been abandoned and began to walk to Texas where his grandfather lived. From Utah! Distance, mountain ranges or man’s law didn’t play into it. He’d faced a situation, made his plan and took action. HooRAH! Tell it to the Marines!

New Baby was adopted by a Vietnam Vet. He was the apple of the old soldier’s eye and Sergeant Joe was the apple of New Baby’s eye. And Sergeant Joe gave him a name. His name. And New Baby became “Joseph!” And he’d fight for that name!

When the old Sarge passed from the effects of Agent Orange, Little Joe went on Christmas Day to the workshop to get the handmade toys that the older Joseph would make every year for as far back as the little guy could remember. And, of course, it was a knock that would never be answered but no matter. Sergeant Joe said he’d be there, Little Joe believed him, and that was that! Who was this Death fella. New Baby had made a decision, and he knocks every Christmas to this day!

Little Joe always took the underdog’s side. Period! That was a given. Like egg sandwich, school, abandonment and even death. When he identified a path the only logical choice was “proceed!” Even if it killed him because death held no terror for him. He read constantly. He Tiked and Toked. He watched the news. And he came to the conclusion that the LBGTQ community was the ultimate underdog! Was he gay? Probably not. He had yet to reach puberty but they were and they needed help. So Little Joe stepped up to the plate . . . With a beanie on his head. Let me give you some background on this.

Little Joe could be vain about his appearance. Not weird, or anything like that, but like his traditional breakfast, the Christmas Toys, or his bus to the “Y,” when he decided his “look” was khaki slacks, a white shirt and black socks that was that. He never wore his curly blonde hair long, preferring a more traditional cut, not over the ears. As luck would have it he received a home haircut, remnant of the recent pandemic, which went afoul and resulted in a Texas “buzz cut,” which, as you might imagine was definitely not in line with Little Joe’s look of choice.

After due consideration he decided on wearing a hoodie until his hair was sufficiently grown to allow a trip to a licensed barber. However, hoodies were frowned upon in Texas public schools as they signified the possible membership in any of the teen gangs seeking to impose their will in an unacceptable fashion upon the system that prided itself in teaching students the more positive aspects of the death penalty for fun and profit. So, Little Joe had to improvise, which he did.

He decided upon a simple “Beanie.” A rather unimposing thing, of black and white, that he could sport until the proper time arrived for the trip to the barber shop. And that was as far as Little Joe was prepared to bend. Silly haircut, cover it with a beanie, let hair grow, barber, resume normal line. HooRAH!

Au Contrairé! The very holy administration of the Florence Independent School District had a rule. No hats! He was told to remove said “hat” in lieu of the administering of that sword that was hanging over his and every other student just in case they showed any aspect of individuality which was forbidden under the Republic of Texas Constitution of 1836 and amended in 1845 which expressly forbid the wearing of Sombreros should the Mexicans choose to return and take the land back that was misappropriated at San Jacinto . . . or words to that effect. Actually the school didn’t like the little black cowboy hat that FFA (Future Farmers of America) wore when they joined the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s as the minority vote. But that’s none of my business. At any rate if Little Joe didn’t take his beanie off the football coach would beat his little ass.

Little Joe packed his egg sandwich and accepted the challenge. But with flair. First and foremost he suddenly openly identified with the schools LBGTQ contingent, which in Florence was comprised of two guys and a confused little girl. So Joe was suited up and ready for battle. In school. In Florence Texas. In the bright light of day. If he was actually gay or not was not the point. This was a “man” thing, and “Little Joe” was born in Bell County Texas and that’s about as Texas as you can get, and you sir, do not have a full set of Testicles if you’re not wearing a hat, or beanie. And he went one step further.

Going to his therapist he received a letter stating that Little Joe suffered from PTSD (Public Texas School Disorder) and for him to be forced to remove his beanie would cause him irreparable physical and philosophical damage as to impair his ability to pass a drivers education class and develop a fear of Pace Picante sauce. Against all odds, and threats from Governor Abbott to rescind the city charter of Florence Texas the school district relented, allowed the beanie, and a Gay Methodist Preacher even blessed the beanie. It has been reported that both presidential candidates have agreed to wear ceremonial beanies at their inauguration, and it is understood that customers at Austin Bath Houses must wear a beanie in the steam room. God Bless Texas, and have I got a bridge for you and it’s on sale!

••••

••••

The Liberty Beacon Project is now expanding at a near exponential rate, and for this we are grateful and excited! But we must also be practical. For 7 years we have not asked for any donations, and have built this project with our own funds as we grew. We are now experiencing ever increasing growing pains due to the large number of websites and projects we represent. So we have just installed donation buttons on our websites and ask that you consider this when you visit them. Nothing is too small. We thank you for all your support and your considerations … (TLB)

••••

Comment Policy: As a privately owned web site, we reserve the right to remove comments that contain spam, advertising, vulgarity, threats of violence, racism, or personal/abusive attacks on other users. This also applies to trolling, the use of more than one alias, or just intentional mischief. Enforcement of this policy is at the discretion of this websites administrators. Repeat offenders may be blocked or permanently banned without prior warning.

••••

Disclaimer: TLB websites contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to our readers under the provisions of “fair use” in an effort to advance a better understanding of political, health, economic and social issues. The material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving it for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material for purposes other than “fair use” you must request permission from the copyright owner.

••••

Disclaimer: The information and opinions shared are for informational purposes only including, but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material are not intended as medical advice or instruction. Nothing mentioned is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.