Are church funds running low? Not to worry! There's always money in the tithing basket if you work hard enough!

Here are some easy ways to increase tithing revenue:

1. Sell little slips of paper that guarantee a loved one can get out of purgatory quicker: A unique and innovative idea we just thought of.

2. Lock the doors and tell the congregation no one leaves to go watch Sunday football until your financial goals have been met: It's not false imprisonment if it's for the Lord.

3. Hold a White Dudes for Jesus fundraising Zoom call: Take a tip from the Kamala Harris handbook.

4. Put a Braveheart reference jar next to the pulpit and the pastor has to put a dollar in every time he quotes the movie: That thing will be overflowing by the end of the week.

5. Organize in a triangle-shaped structure where everyone recruits several people, and those people recruit several more people, and everyone get a nice cut of their downline: We call this "multi-level gospeling."

6. Charge extra for aisle seats, exit rows, and first-class pews: The first-class pews are in the back of the church, of course.

7. Give an ultra-boring sermon and then pick the congregation's pockets while they're asleep: Probably easier than preparing a captivating sermon.

8. Look really sad when you pass around the offering plate: People always give money when they think you're sad.

9. Create a premium Church+ subscription service: You can offer perks like streaming puppet shows, 10% off in the book store, and occasional VIP meet and greets with the pastor.

10. Hire really strong ushers who are able to flip every congregant upside-down and shake all the change out of their pockets after the service: The good, old-fashioned shakedown method.

When you're finished, you'll have easily be able to hide bags of cash totaling $600,000 inside the church walls for safekeeping. And that's what it's all about.

Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into... well, something else entirely.