In a shocking display of ideological confusion, a group of pro-Hamas college students, who also identify as “feminists,” have expressed their excitement for the implementation of Sharia Law in the United States. These young women, who have apparently not been informed about the actual tenets of Sharia Law, are eagerly anticipating the day when they can be subjugated as non-persons and forced to bear children like pez dispensers, despite their pro-choice beliefs. 

“I can’t wait,” said Columbia University student leader, Carpetta Munscher, as she adjusted her burka and waved a placard calling for the destruction of Israel. “When Israel is destroyed and Sharia Law is the rule in America, I want to be subjugated as a non-person and spit out children like a pez dispenser, even though I am pro-choice.” 

When pressed about what Sharia Law actually is and how they execute homosexuals, Munscher was visibly taken aback. “You mean they execute gay men? It’s just gay men, right?” she asked, looking genuinely bewildered. 

Upon learning that gay women are also put to death under Sharia Law, Munscher quickly added, “I really hate America.” She then pulled her burka back down over her head and returned to the protest, her enthusiasm for Sharia Law seemingly undiminished. 

The irony of these pro-Hamas, pro-Sharia “feminists” is not lost on observers, who have been left scratching their heads at the bizarre spectacle. “It’s almost like these young women have never actually read a single book about the history or teachings of Islam,” said one bemused bystander. “They seem to be under the impression that Sharia Law is some sort of progressive, egalitarian system that will liberate women and create a more just society.” 

Indeed, the pro-Sharia “feminists” seem to be completely unaware of the fact that Sharia Law is a deeply patriarchal and oppressive system that treats women as second-class citizens, if not outright property. They are apparently oblivious to the fact that under Sharia Law, women are forbidden from driving, voting, or receiving an education, and are subject to brutal punishments for even the slightest perceived infractions. 

Despite their obvious ignorance, however, the pro-Sharia “feminists” remain undeterred in their quest to bring about the destruction of Israel and the implementation of Sharia Law in the United States. “We will not rest until America is a bastion of freedom and equality,” declared Munscher, “where women are free to be subjugated and oppressed in the name of religion.” 

In the meantime, the rest of us can only watch in bemused horror as these young women march blindly towards a future of their own making, one in which they will be reduced to little more than breeding machines and property. And as they do, we can only hope that someday, somehow, they will come to understand the true nature of the system they are so eager to embrace.

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