On the heels of the announcement that an official Ronnie James Dio documentary is on the way, Hollywood has announced it plans an official unofficial biopic starring Post Malone.

Ronnie James Dio born Ronald James Padavona is an influential Heavy Metal singer-songwriter and composer who fronted the bands: ‘Elf’, ‘Rainbow’, ‘Black Sabbath’, ‘Dio’ and ‘Heaven & Hell’. Dio is said to have invented the finger horns thing that every jackass on the planet imitates while trying to be cool.

Free Bird

Rapper Post Malone is psyched to play the part and told us that he will be doing all of the singing himself as well. “I love Lynyrd Skynyrd man! ‘Free Bird’, ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ that’s the sh*t!” said Malone. “I am psyched to play that dude in a movie.

Malone was quite embarrassed when told that he is thinking of Ronnie Van Zant. Van Zant was the singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Ronnie James Dio is the singer of Rainbow. “Wait, What!?” said Malone. “Who the f*ck is Rainbow and Dio? What songs does he sing?”

Devils Horns

Madhouse News then played ‘Holy Diver’, ‘Rainbow in the Dark’, & ‘Stargazer’ for Malone. Malone then commented “Oh yeah, I love Dio too – he used to play in that band Ozzy was in and he invented the finger devil horns thing. I do that finger horns thing all the time, but I have no idea what it means but I do it anyway. I have face tattoos but play sappy pop songs, so go figure.”

Ronnie’s widow and longtime manager Wendy Dio immediately vomited and then called her attorney after hearing the news. Post Malone will play my husband over my dead body! The Biopic will be released later this year. 

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