Joe Biden held what was billed as a “Big Boy” press conference Thursday night. What does that mean? That he should be a greeter at Bob’s Big Boy rather than commander-in-chief?

Because it certainly didn’t mean holding a no-holds-barred press conference, answering random questions from neutral or unfriendly journalists. Instead, Biden took questions from a preset list of journalists from friendly outlets, who treated him more gingerly than an IED. And still he made a mumbled, jumbled mess of it, right off the bat, referring to Kamala Harris as “Vice President Trump” and often sinking into his creepy “Ghost Whisperer” persona.

But at the end, he still insisted he was fine, able to do the job, and isn’t going anywhere. 

The Anticipation … and Building Pressure

Biden started the evening with one foot in a hole. Just hours before the presser staged to show he’s still mentally present, he introduced Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelenskyy as “President Putin.”

BIDEN: "Ladies and gentlemen, President Putin" 😳 pic.twitter.com/pId2QZ3Ao0

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) July 11, 2024

Sure, the two men share a border, a war, and authoritarian tendencies. But you kinda have to get that one right. (It would have been rich if Zelenskyy turned and welcomed “the American president, Jill Biden.”)

You could tell it was going to be a worrisome night when the staffer standing behind the podium helping with the color balancing looked more like a pall bearer than a presidential aide.

Before the news conference began, I felt bad for Biden. He’s having to come to grips with the reality that he’s not The Big Guy, but a pawn of the Democrat political elite — a joke to the likes of the Obamas and Clooneys, a Rodney Dangerfield getting no respect. For a man who is so insecure and in need of affirmation that he routinely concocts fictions about his own life, this has to be devastating. 

Then there was the pressure. Both CNN and MSNBC, which have coddled Biden for the last five years, were suggesting one wrong word would mean the end of his presidency. (That ended up being one phrase: “Vice President Trump.”)

But such is the world where Biden has made his family fortune. President Harry Truman once said that if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Biden had a dog. Two in fact, but they had to be taken away because they used Secret Service and White House staffers as appetizers.

Whiffing in a Game of Softball

Biden came to the podium nearly an hour late. We knew immediately the president would be facing a friendly press corps when he declared, “I’ve been given a list of people to call on here.” Yeah, you know the night was scripted when Karine Jean-Pierre yelled, “Quiet on set!” 

Yet disaster still found Joe right out of the gate.

When asked, “What concerns do you have about Vice President Harris’s ability to beat Donald Trump if she were at the top of the ticket?” Biden responded, “I wouldn’t have picked Vice President Trump to be vice president, did I think she’s not qualified to be president.”

I wouldn't have picked Vice President Trump… pic.twitter.com/zwjuhtPk3V

— Ryan Dawson (@RyLiberty) July 12, 2024

In one fell swoop, Biden confused Harris with Trump. A dutiful reporter later gave him a chance to clean that statement up, but the damage was done. America might as well have changed the channel to Jeopardy at that point. But the humorous gaffe did make for an epic meme.

Who did this 🤣 pic.twitter.com/49cYguqEuu

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) July 11, 2024

The Whispering

To make matters worse, Biden finished his answer by dropping into that weird whisper of his. He would do so many times during the nearly one-hour presser. Oh, how creepy. (Earlier yesterday, we lost the great actress Shelley Duvall from The Shining. You can picture Duvall in wide-eyed terror listening to Joe whispering through the door.)

He did it when asked about delegates wanting to be free to vote their conscience at the upcoming Democratic convention. “Obviously they are free to do what they like,” he said, before dropping to the whisper. “But it’s not going to happen.” (CUE Horror Movie Theme)

He actually closed with a whisper (before agreeing to an encore.) Biden claimed he would consider dropping out of the race if polls showed he was definitely going to lose. Whisper: “No one is saying that. No poll says that.”

Biden brings out his creepy whisper before Karine Jean-Pierre desperately interjects to end the press conference pic.twitter.com/aYRle8535N

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) July 12, 2024

A New Campaign Slogan:  “Uh, Anyway.”

Biden lost many a battle with his train of thought. Eleven times, by Jesse Watters’s count, he would get going on a story, pause, then say, “Well, anyway.” It was almost as if someone was shouting in his ear, “NO! Stay on script! Stay on script!” Or sadly, the train of thought left the station without him on it. 

Nobody wants a president who consistently loses their train of thought and just says, “Anyway!” pic.twitter.com/MgdLsvGb9M

— Jesse Watters (@JesseBWatters) July 12, 2024

He also made another notable gaffe when he said he follows the advice of his “commander-in-chief” when he was referring to his chief of staff.

Biden: "I'm following the advice of my commander-in-chief." pic.twitter.com/O2bsh7Sxgz

— TheBlaze (@theblaze) July 11, 2024

And after droning sleepily and endlessly on matters like Finland, Biden suddenly started shouting about kids being killed by bullets. Whoa! A dose of something kicked in. But the yelling was over just as soon as it began.

Uh, anyway …

Biden Conceded Nothing About His Health

The president deflected all questions pertaining to his ability to serve in the future by insisting he’s doing the job now. He denied operating for a limited time each day, conceding only that he needs to slow down. “I always have an inclination, whether I was playing sports or doing politics, just to keep going, not stop,” he said. “I just gotta, just pace myself a little more. Pace myself.”

Biden: “I always have an inclination, whether I was playing sports or doing politics, just to keep going, not stop. I just gotta, just pace myself a little more.” pic.twitter.com/ASBSJCylnw

— Daily Wire (@realDailyWire) July 11, 2024

He boasted that he’s done 20 events since the debate, while Trump has been relatively inactive. He said staffers have been sneaking more events into his schedule, and that Dr. Jill doesn’t like it. “I’m catching hell from my wife … “

Biden admits Nurse Jill runs the show: "I love my staff, but they add things … I'm catching hell from my wife. Anyway…" pic.twitter.com/bKUXdFSOnl

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) July 11, 2024

However, Biden did open the door to a neurological exam if his doctors ask him to take one.

Biden: "Every single day I'm surrounded by good docs. If they think there's a problem, I promise you—or even if they don't think it's a problem, they think I should have a neurological exam again, I'll do it. But no one's suggesting that to me now." pic.twitter.com/LL6rR6tA9y

— The Post Millennial (@TPostMillennial) July 12, 2024

End Result? Biden Is Staying in cxdbftdto “Finish the Job”

Ultimately, Joe Biden reiterated that he will be staying in the race because “I’ve got to finish this job,” and insisting again that he is the one with the best chance to beat Donald Trump.

The presser was not the unmitigated disaster like the debate. Hats off for having pre-selected reporters ask softball questions. However, in a sense, the presser was a disaster for Democrats.

Sean Davis summarized it this way:

That press conference was bad enough to keep everyone talking about Joe Biden’s pudding brain for another week, but not bad enough to force him out of the White House. In other words: it was perfect, if you want Biden and the Democrats to lose in November.

— Sean Davis (@seanmdav) July 12, 2024

Anyway …

Al Perrotta is The Stream’s Washington bureau chief, coauthor with John Zmirak of The Politically Incorrect Guide to Immigration, and coauthor of the counterterrorism memoir Hostile Intent: Protecting Yourself Against Terrorism.