CAMP DAVID — President Biden began feeling rather nervous this morning when Hillary Clinton arrived for what was supposed to be an emergency family meeting about his campaign.

"This is bad, Joe," Biden whispered to himself. "I may be in some real trouble here."

According to high-level sources, the Biden team had called a family meeting after early efforts failed to quell the panic after Biden's disastrous debate. About fifteen minutes in, Clinton unexpectedly walked into the meeting without saying a word, put on latex gloves, and sat in the corner to watch the proceedings. "So, uh, as I was saying, we can ride this news cycle out," said Biden, anxiously eyeing Clinton. "Calm donors down, tell the media to shape up... there's no need to pull the plug or poison someone or hang them in a jail cell from a bedsheet or anything."

Clinton stated she had simply come to Camp David for a little bit of sight-seeing and to help, if need be, for the campaign to hit the reset button. "Oh, I'm just here watching the birds, waiting to see which kind of reset they wish to do," said Clinton. "Isn't politics exciting?"

At publishing time, President Biden had decided to start having his dog try out his morning oatmeal, just in case.

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