We have made a bold decision: we refuse to have sex with Trump voters. Read ’em and weep, fellas!

This may seem like an extreme stance, but we believe it is necessary to take a stand against the bigotry, hatred, and ignorance that we see in many of Trump’s supporters.

This will give us more time to work on our shared doctoral thesis on post-colonial gender theory in transvestite bats.

It’s not that we have anything against the individual Trump voters themselves, per se. We’re sure some of them are perfectly nice people who just got played by a master manipulator.

But by voting for Trump, they’ve shown us that they don’t value the things we do: science, equality, and the right to abort our own fetuses. How can we possibly sleep with someone who would choose a bombastic, lying, orange-faced gasbag over the progressive utopia we envision for America?

We understand that this decision may seem a bit draconian, but we believe that by withholding our bodies from Trump voters, we can send a powerful message about the consequences of choosing a candidate who embodies everything we despise.

Perhaps other women will follow our lead and refuse to have sex with Trump supporters, too. Can you imagine the impact on the Republican base if no one would sleep with them? They’d be left with nothing but each other’s company and their guns.

So, to all you Trump voters out there: if you want a chance at our love and affection, you better start thinking about voting for candidates who align with our values.

Otherwise, you’ll just have to keep your pants on and find someone else to have sex with. It’s not our problem if you can’t find anyone who wants to touch you after supporting such a horrible human being.

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