This article was originally published on Babylon Bee. You can read the original article HERE
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Against the will of Liz Cheney, Jennifer Lopez, and Democracy itself, Donald Trump has been elected the 47th President of the United States.
It's a scary and confusing time for everyone. To help you be prepared, here are twelve things you should expect to happen over the next few months:
All women immediately issued their Handmaid's Tale outfits: Any woman caught not wearing one will be shot.
Construction begins on cages for immigrant kids, minorities, and the LGBTQ community: Minorities will be required to live in a cage for the duration of Trump's second term.
Tim Walz finally stops pretending to be straight: This should be a huge relief for him.
Ceremonial turning over of the White House Roku remote: One of the most important Presidential traditions.
Changing table removed from White House master bedroom: President Trump is fully capable of changing himself without any help.
Jan 6 becomes a federal holiday: All citizens will be required to leave out McDonald's for Trump on January 6 Eve.
Journalists all be required to wear dunce caps in public: As well they should.
Keith Olbermann is humanely euthanized: It's the compassionate thing to do.
Oceans heat up to 1 million degrees Celsius thanks to global warming: Kiss your loved ones goodbye.
RFK Jr. stops grifting for sympathy with his fake hoarse voice: That dude has been milking that for way too long.
All vaccines made illegal, killing everyone on the planet: Experts say this will happen within 2 days of Trump taking office.
You're finally able to afford eggs: Thank you, Lord!
Be sure to send this list to friends and loved ones so they can prepare too.
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This article was originally published by Babylon Bee. We only curate news from sources that align with the core values of our intended conservative audience. If you like the news you read here we encourage you to utilize the original sources for even more great news and opinions you can trust!
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