BERMUDA TRIANGLE—In a shocking twist of historical and political proportions, aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart has emerged from the Bermuda Triangle after more than 80 years—only to accuse former President Donald Trump of groping her before her infamous disappearance.

“I knew it was him the moment I felt those tiny, clammy hands on my flight jacket,” Earhart revealed at a hastily arranged press conference. “He said something about how ‘no one flies better than me, that’s what they tell me,’ then tried to adjust my parachute straps.” Earhart claimed she fought off Trump’s advances just moments before taking off on what would become her final flight in 1937. “I didn’t crash because of bad weather,” she clarified. “I flew straight into the Bermuda Triangle to escape him.”

When asked why she waited until now to come forward, Earhart said, “The Bermuda Triangle is a nightmare for Wi-Fi. And frankly, I didn’t want to end up on Twitter.”

Trump was quick to respond to the allegations. “I always knew Amelia would show up,” he said in a Truth Social post. “Probably looking to steal some publicity from me. Very sad! Believe me, nobody has more respect for female pilots who disappear than I do.”

He went on: “And let’s be honest, I didn’t grope her. I just helped her with her altimeter. Ask anyone! No one knows altimeters better than me.”

Supporters of Trump dismissed Earhart’s accusations as part of a “deep state” conspiracy to undermine his political comeback. “This is just another hoax,” said Marjorie Taylor Greene, “like the moon landing or ketchup being a vegetable.”

Meanwhile, Earhart has announced plans to join forces with the #MeToo movement, stating: “If I survived the Bermuda Triangle, I sure as hell can survive Trump’s lawyers.”

Asked about her future plans, she replied: “I’m just glad to finally get this off my chest—and also, I’ve got a book deal. Watch out, Melania.”

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