WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold and unprecedented move, Vice President Kamala Harris lodged an official complaint with the United States government, demanding to “speak to the manager.” After a tense standoff with multiple agencies, Harris found herself on hold with her own office.

“I’m not getting the respect I deserve,” Harris reportedly fumed while pacing her office, sipping a latte. “I am the Vice President of the United States, and I have some serious concerns about how things are being handled around here!”

After a few minutes of bureaucratic back-and-forth, she was connected — to herself. “Finally,” she sighed, “Someone in charge.”

The conversation, which lasted nearly 45 minutes, quickly grew heated. Harris was overheard demanding answers about the government’s slow progress on key issues. “This place is a mess! Who’s running things around here?” she asked herself sharply. “We need real leadership, not just someone awkwardly laughing at every problem!”

Sources close to Harris say she periodically nodded in agreement with herself but also interrupted frequently to shift blame to her colleagues. “Look, it’s not my fault. I would do something if the President actually let me. But, honestly, I think you’re making excuses,” she told herself sternly.

Witnesses reported occasional bursts of her signature nervous laughter, followed by pointed accusations that “the manager” wasn’t being proactive enough.

By the end of the meeting, Harris managed to pacify herself by agreeing to create a task force on improving managerial communication between, well… herself. A press release confirmed, “After a productive meeting, the Vice President is pleased with the progress made and the assurances provided by the Vice President.”

Critics on social media were quick to respond. “How do you solve America’s problems when the only person you trust to fix them is you?” one user tweeted. “This is next-level Karen energy.”

Harris, however, seemed pleased with the resolution. “It feels good knowing the right people are in charge,” she said. “When things go wrong, I know exactly who to blame — and who to ask for a follow-up meeting.”

White House insiders say Harris has scheduled another session with the “manager” for next Tuesday. Asked if she anticipates making meaningful changes, she replied, “I don’t want to over-promise… but I’ll see what I can do.”

About Author