As the championship game approaches, Democrats believe they may have plugged a big hole in their outfield by signing free agent Dick Cheney, sources confirmed. 

“This could be just the shot in the arm this lame roster needed,” said Democrats fan Ray Jennings. “They came limping into this match so banged up. They already had to replace their team captain a few months back. It’s just bad, you know? But at least with a signing like this, it shows they’re trying to compete, in some weird way. Not sure Cheney still has the athleticism he did a few decades ago, but we’ll see.” 

Cheney greeted Democrats who had rooted against him for years. 

“Sorry about all those times we kicked your guys’ teeth in back in the early 2000s,” Cheney said at a press conference earlier today, drawing groans from the audience. “But once I entered free agency, I liked the offer the Democrats made the most. So screw it, I’m supporting Kamala Harris now!” 

As of press time, it was rumored that Dick’s daughter Liz may challenge him for the starting Cheney spot in practice this week.