Note: This is a satirical piece.

In the upcoming presidential election, the Democrats and the media (I know, I am being redundant here), want us to focus on the messenger, not the message. The philosophies and policies of Donald Trump and Kamala Harris could not be more starkly different. 

Trump is running on policies; Harris is running on hating Trump.

Republican voters are educated by life, not by leftist-dominated institutions. They use common sense, not force-fed dogma. Trump supporters like Elon Musk create value, and don’t only consume it. 

We are two different sets of voters. Dems are takers; Republicans are makers. Our vision for the country is different. Republicans want there to be a helping hand, not a government-dependent lifestyle. We prefer a safety net to a safety hammock. 

Kamala is desperate now. She has a new attack line against Trump: She just passed her physical and now wants to see the results of his. During her exam her doctor told her to stop drinking wine. When she asked why, the doctor said, “So I can finish your exam.” 

Kamala asking to see Trump’s physical exam results made the news. It has gotten to where if no one gets a shot at assassinating Trump, it’s a slow news day. And an unvetted, CIA-linked Afghan, fresh to our county, allegedly got caught buying weapons for an alleged Election Day terrorist attack. He was not radicalized by Islamic terrorists here, but rather by months of campaign commercials.

Voters can see where the medical-industrial complex, led by Democrats, has been so wrong over time. Co-opted by the left, they told us four years ago we would be fired, couldn’t travel or serve in the military if we didn’t get vaccinated. Yet they let in countless illegal migrants through a porous border and didn’t require them to get vaccinated until 2022.

Even Joe Biden, who was vaccinated several times, got Covid right before he was stabbed in the back by his own party. He probably didn’t want to run anyway, with Covid taking away his sense of smell. He could not sniff children anymore, so the thrill was gone.

It is fascinating to see how quickly the Democrat machine turned on Biden. They are trying to push Kamala Harris across the finish line before anyone figures out that she is an empty pantsuit. They put Kamala on the cover of Vogue, then they put Joe on the cover of Morgue. 

Because of Kamala’s policies, the economy is not good for most Americans. 1,200 Walgreens are closing. The ten stores in Chicago say they are going to move to a safer location: Gaza.

Kamala lied about Joe Biden’s wellness, her record and her background. We know she didn’t work at McDonald’s because Mayor McCheese was never forced to resign over a sex scandal. 

I am at a loss to know how Democrats think she has the moral high ground in this race or is, inexplicably, the self-anointed “agent of change.”

Hurting for the self-respecting man vote, Kamala hired goof ball Tim Walz as her running mate. Pretending to be manly, he first changed a clean air filter in a truck. That failed. Monday the Dems dressed him up like Elmer Fudd and sent him hunting. He could not work his shotgun. It felt like Michael Dukakis riding that tank.

During this staged “hunt,” Walz boasted of the support of Dick Cheney and Taylor Swift. Perfect. I would rather be shot in the face than be forced to listen to a Taylor Swift song.

To be fair, it is good that I do not have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where the natural habitat of pizza is.

Republicans love the Fourth of July and other all-American traditions. Kamala bad-mouthed Christopher Columbus and called Columbus Day “Indigenous People’s Day.” You know, for all those native Americans who had it great until unchecked immigration changed their way of life. 

It turns out that Columbus was Jewish. So there you have it: Make it another Jewish holiday. Problem solved.

An example of how Republicans differ from Democrats: If the Dems lose the election, what will they do? Kamala is a lifelong politician; thus, she has no marketable business skills. Trump can go back into his businesses, or even into entertainment. I’m guessing entertainment, because he recently got a headshot. 

Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He is ex-Goldman Sachs and now runs his foundation. He can be contacted @RonaldHart on Twitter/X.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.