OAKLAND, CA — In yet another attempt to boost public interest in the team and increase attendance, the Oakland A's announced that the first nine fans to arrive at the stadium for the team's next home game get to play.

"Come on out to the ballpark and we'll literally put you in the game!" said Darren Landry, a marketing executive for the A's. "Have you ever wanted to be a big leaguer? Now's your chance! We've got one foot out the door here in Oakland and we're not even trying to field a competitive team these days, so why not give a few fans the opportunity of a lifetime? The first nine fans through the turnstiles at our next game will take the field against the Kansas City Royals! Don't just cheer for the A's — BE the A's!"

With attendance lagging and fans revolting against the franchise due to its pending move to Las Vegas, the team took the unprecedented step of offering a few lucky fans the chance to suit up and take the field in a Major League game.

Fan response to the new promotion ranged from "Seriously?" to "No thanks." One Oakland fan was unenthusiastic. "Nah, that's alright," said Brian Halverson. "Don't get me wrong, playing in a Major League Baseball game sounds fun, but… you know… it's the A's. That kinda takes any enjoyment out of it."

At publishing time, the A's were reportedly facing the reality of having to scrap the promotion due to internal skepticism that the team would be able to draw nine fans to the game.

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