In a shocking historical twist that no one saw coming (except for those watching the tanks), a never-before-seen photo has surfaced of Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz performing a bizarre dance routine mere moments before being run over by military tanks during the Tiananmen Square massacre.

The photo, released by a mysterious source known only as “LeakyPanda,” depicts Walz mid-dance, his arms flailing in what appears to be a failed attempt at “The Running Man.” Ironically, he wasn’t running—just standing in place, oblivious to the large, armored vehicles slowly rolling toward him.

“Honestly, I thought it would diffuse the situation,” Walz later explained, looking back on his ill-fated performance. “You know, show the tanks we could all be friends, maybe get a conga line going. I figured, what better way to bring people together than with a little funk?”

Unfortunately for Walz, the Chinese government was not in the mood for interpretive dance that day, and neither were the tanks. Eyewitnesses at the time reported that the tanks hesitated briefly, as if confused by the erratic movements, before deciding to proceed as planned.

“They just… ran him over,” said one anonymous protester. “It was like watching a trainwreck, but, you know, with more tanks and terrible dance moves.”

Historians are scrambling to fit this peculiar moment into the broader narrative of Tiananmen Square. “This really complicates the story,” said Dr. Ima Scholar, an expert in 20th-century Chinese history. “We thought we had it all figured out, but apparently there was a guy breakdancing in front of the tanks the whole time.”

The Harris-Walz campaign has since embraced the incident, spinning it as a bold display of courage. “Tim Walz did not back down in the face of adversity. He stood his ground and moonwalked into history,” said campaign manager I.M. Spinny. “Sure, some people might say he should’ve, you know, moved when the tanks approached. But leaders don’t always do what’s expected.”

Political analysts, however, are less sure of the strategic brilliance of this move. “Dancing before being run over by tanks doesn’t exactly scream ‘leadership,’” one commentator noted. “It more so screams, ‘What were you thinking?’”

Walz himself remains unfazed by the criticism. “Listen, not every performance is going to be a hit,” he said in a recent interview. “But I think the world needed to see that even in the face of overwhelming odds, you can still bust a move. And if the tanks roll over you? Well, at least you went out dancing.”

In response to the photo leak, the Harris-Walz campaign has started selling commemorative “Tank Dance” t-shirts, with proceeds going to fund Walz’s future dance classes.

Social media has, predictably, been flooded with memes, with users posting captions like “Dance like no tanks are watching” and “Tim Walz: Standing still in the wrong place at the wrong time since 1989.”

While Walz’s dance moves may not have stopped the tanks, they’ve certainly made their mark on history—albeit as a footnote in one of the most tragically misguided attempts at protest ever documented.

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