A democratic voter who did not tune into last night’s Vice Presidential debate between Tim Walz and J.D. Vance swears that Walz was the winner by a large margin, sources confirm. 

“I didn’t even have to bother watching to know he wiped the floor with Vance,” said Aaron Williams, who proudly didn’t tune in to last night’s debate, and was apparently unaware that Walz at one point claimed to be friends with school shooters. “It’s going to be open-and-shut, wham-bam, an absolute TKO for Tim Walz. I honestly feel bad for anyone that doesn’t see that.” 

Despite earning the overwhelming approval of liberals who didn’t view the debate, many who did watch felt otherwise. 

“I don’t think the Cool Drunk Uncle thing is really doing it for me,” said undecided voter Tim Wallace. “I’m pretty sure the other guy is wearing makeup, which I’m not thrilled about, but at least he didn’t have to answer for lying about being at Tiananmen Square during the massacre in 1989. That’s Weird Drunk Uncle, Tim, not Cool Drunk Uncle. Be careful.” 

As of press time, Williams also confessed that if Harris doesn’t win the election, then the whole thing must be rigged.