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WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking twist that has left political pundits scrambling, President Joe Biden has officially endorsed his longtime rival, former President Donald Trump, for the 2024 presidential election.
During an impromptu press conference in the White House Rose Garden, Biden, wearing a “Kamala Sucks” hat and holding a “Trump 2024” sign, made the stunning announcement: “Look, folks, I think… you know the thing. We’ve had our differences, but after 50 years in politics, it’s clear to me that the best person to take over this mess is Donald… uh, Donnie… President Trump.”
The gathered reporters were left in stunned silence as Biden continued, “I mean, come on, man! He’s been saying for years that the economy was better under him, and well, frankly, after I took a closer look at the numbers, maybe he’s onto something. Plus, he’s a lot more fun to watch on TV.”
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, attempting to clarify the president’s remarks, explained: “What President Biden meant to say is that he believes in the democratic process and looks forward to a robust election season… not necessarily that he’s endorsing Donald Trump. But, you know, it’s Joe. So, anything’s possible.”
Trump, for his part, responded to Biden’s endorsement with a gloating tweet: “Thank you, Sleepy Joe! Even you know I’m the best President in history. Biggest endorsement EVER! #Trump2024.”
Many Democrats have expressed confusion and dismay at Biden’s apparent reversal, with some already preparing to jump ship. “I don’t know what to believe anymore,” said Senator Bernie Sanders, pacing anxiously in his office. “First I lose the primary, and now Biden’s endorsing Trump? What’s next, Nancy Pelosi starting a podcast with Mitch McConnell?”
Meanwhile, Biden’s close advisors have suggested that the president might have been tired, hungry, or possibly mistaking Trump for someone else. “It’s been a long week,” one aide explained. “Joe just got off a four-hour Zoom call with NASA about space pants or something, and he might not have fully understood what he was saying.”
Political analysts are already speculating about what Biden’s next move might be. Some suspect a potential Trump-Biden unity ticket, while others predict Biden could endorse Kanye West for Secretary of Agriculture.
When asked for further comment, Biden simply shrugged and said, “Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, endorse ‘em.”
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