Note: This is a satirical piece.

We are currently between assassination attempts on Trump, so let’s take some time to evaluate the campaigns. Thank goodness the government rather than business is involved. I am not saying the Deep State did it, but it has all the earmarks of a government operation: Ineffective, confusing, secretive and unaccountable. 

Since Democrat men are not really men’s men, they cannot shoot. Democrat men are 0 for 2 so far. The only Democrat who can shoot a gun is Alec Baldwin, and he denies it. I think we all stand behind Alec Baldwin in his case of shooting on the film set; standing behind him is safer than standing in front of him. 

Our intel community, for what it’s worth, says there are at least two known terrorist-sponsored international teams out working to kill Trump. Four if you count ABC News and the women of The View. These hit jobs are the only real jobs created by Democrats this year. 

We are waiting for answers from the many federal agencies investigating themselves. But worry not; Biden just had his first Cabinet meeting in a year. According to the Babylon Bee, he has been looking into the two assassination attempts and does not like the trend he is seeing. Biden wants to correct the matter and has stated that the next assassination attempt should be by a woman of color. 

Joe Biden did leave the Cabinet Room and left Jill Biden in charge, which is not very troubling. What is disturbing is that he left Hunter in charge of DEA and FDA for about an hour. 

The FBI inexplicably released the second shooter’s letter which said that, if he failed to kill Trump, there was a $150,000 bounty on his head … or ear. This brilliant release of information before the election is by the same FBI that would not release the Nashville transgender shooter’s manifesto.

Kamala realizes that she has a problem with men voting for her. There are the “White Dudes for Kamala,” where the rare white man who wants to vote for Kamala can find community. This is the same logic behind the Furby sites. 

For the few of us cisgendered males left, Kamala’s eye rolling, coupled with her nasal, nagging and disingenuous Valley Girl voice, make her seem like America’s ex-wife. There are still a few white men in the Kamala camp, but most didn’t start out as one. 

She fabricated a TV commercial with her jazz hands running mate, Tim Walz. The junior high assistant-coach-turned-National-Guard-Afghanistan-defector is acting like he is changing an air filter in an old car. First, the air filter he is changing is not dirty. Second, you ain’t fooling anyone with the camo hat. And lastly, you are the guys who wants to do away with combustion engine cars, right?

The Democrat candidates are leaking white men. Trump has lost a few “never Trumpers” from the George Bush failed presidency, old white RINOs like Dick Cheney. It is perfect karma; Trump knows now what it feels like to be left for a much younger woman. 

They cannot win on ideas, so the Democrats are in full-out opposition research/dirty tricks mode to ruin their opponents. The black GOP gubernatorial candidate in swing state North Carolina, Mark Robinson, was hit with likely fabricated porn site posts from 15 years ago. He, purportedly from CNN, called himself a “Black Nazi.” The American Nazi Party was quick to respond: “We have come a long way as a Party. As for new members, we must remind Mr. Robinson that some restrictions still apply.” 

Then there is the latest hit job on Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The left has dug up a reporter who said she found evidence of ten RFK Jr affairs. We can’t forget, he is a Kennedy. Some men see a sexy woman in a bar, think about picking her up, and then stop and say, “Why?” Other men see the same woman in the bar and say, “Why not?” 

RFK Jr. confronted the questions directly. When the press asked Robert Kennedy Jr. if he had affairs, he answered them very quickly, “I was raised in a middle-class family …” 

Ron Hart is a syndicated libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and frequent guest on TV and radio. Contact him @RonaldHart on X.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.