Brought to you by: Praxis

In case you haven't heard, college is expensive these days - and despite what many people think, a college degree isn't an automatic pathway to success and wealth. In reality, there is a long list of ways to invest your money that can provide a better return!

The Babylon Bee is here to prove it with the following comprehensive list of investments that offer a better return than a college degree:

1. A Red Lobster franchise

2. Hunter Biden paintings

3. A car that is currently on fire and driving off a cliff

4. An iPod Shuffle

5. A big ol' pile of dirt

6. Joe Biden collectible NFTs

7. VCR (that's a videocassette recorder for your Gen Zers)

8. DogeCoin (that's imaginary money with a dog on it for you boomers)

9. MySpace stock

10. Pogo stick lessons

11. Whatever currency they use in Venezuela

12. A 401k at Enron

13. America Online CDs

14. Oakland A's season tickets

15. Rose Tico action figures

16. That pier Biden built in Gaza

17. Pogs

18. A motorhome currently floating down a river

19. A chain of steakhouses over in India

20. Kristi Noem's Pet Resort

21. The exiled Nigerian prince who emailed you asking for financial help

22. CNN+ subscription

23. COVID-19 vaccines

24. Nickelback lunchboxes

25. Sam Bankman-Fried's next cryptocurrency enterprise

26. Coupons for free games of bowling at Boo-Boo Bowlers

27. Women's razor store in Portland

28. Cabbage Patch dolls

29. WNBA trading cards

30. Beanie Babies

31. A wind farm on the moon

32. All-you-can-eat buffet restaurant next door to Lizzo

33. Blackberry phones

34. Vacation timeshare in Gaza

35. Cicada farm

36. Future seasons of Amazon Prime's Rings of Power

37. Actual snake oil

38. Tupperware

39. Joe Biden's "How to Walk Like a Winner" instructional video course

40. Blocks of ice

41. A beachfront property in Kansas

42. A high-end jewelry store in downtown Oakland

43. Pretend pirate money from the Dollar Store

44. A parlay on New York Jets to win Super Bowl and Chicago White Sox to win World Series

45. Collectible Harry Potter Pez dispensers

46. Raw oysters

47. Liquor store in rural Utah

48. MAGA baseball cap stand at the Democratic National Convention

49. Your sister-in-law's essential oil business

50. Big & Tall clothing store in Cambodia

51. Angel Hernandez Umpire School

52. Hush money payment to Stormy Daniels

53. A subscription to The Babylon Bee!

Pour your money into any (or all) of the investments listed above, and you're guaranteed to get a better return than spending money on a college degree. Pick a few from the list to make sure you diversify!

NOT SATIRE: Unsure what to do after high school? Praxis can help.

Over the past decade, our team at Praxis has helped hundreds of young adults start their careers, build skills, grow their networks, navigate their job hunts, and develop a roadmap for their futures.

We know what it takes to succeed without college, and we'd like to share this knowledge with you and your family. Because we think it's important you're aware of your options. Especially considering the cost of college and average outcomes for graduates today.

That's why we created 5 Tips for Opting Out of College Successfully: A Short Course in Winning the Early Innings of Your Career Without A Degree.

It's a 45-minute workshop jam-packed with tips and exercises to help your teen or young adult gain career clarity, learn how to create value, grow his or her network, and achieve career success - even if they don't go to college.

You can access the full workshop for free by following this link.

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.