He’s from another world

Fie on a chiropodist and a podiatrist, Bill Birnes is a ­ufologist. Ph.D. from NYU, he claims outer space stuff is flying into our space — besides what’s seeping out of Biden.

“I study UFOs. I research unconventional aircraft engineered from a planet not ours. Extraterrestrials visiting Earth are airbrushed out to remove this alien activity evidence. An officer with Eisenhower, who was then a colonel, saw debris.

“A NASA researcher saw dark side of the moon photos showing triangular spacecraft on a crater’s edge. NASA airbrushed that out saying ETs don’t want us exploring their bases.

“NASA chiefs said that was to be an actual covered-up alien attack on us.

“UFO hunters — involved in government and society — claim these aliens are us — the next civilization. They look like us because they are us. We migrate as DNA on asteroids and comets. Spinning in that water is our bacteria and DNA. If it’s a hospitable planet, life takes place.

Beam them up

“Thousands have been contacted. Abducted. They are tracked by UFOs. John Lennon saw bright light, then little creatures who gave him an egg-shaped object. He gave it to his psychic friend Uri Geller. That device is still in Tel Aviv.

“I know three underwater bases. Gulf of Mexico fishermen see bright lights under Florida and Cuba. Another in LA County near Santa Catalina. Also a major base off Malibu.

“President Bill Clinton investigated Roswell. A retired general knew of Roswell debris. Strom Thurmond took it to defense contractors to reverse engineer it. Technology was integrated circuitry and Kevlar lasers. A NASA technician airbrushed them out saying, ‘There’s no spacecraft on the moon.’

“ETs have a base on the moon they want kept secret. NASA guys say we covered up an actual alien attack on us. UFO hunters say we have met ET and it is us. A whole civilization was on this planet.

The space race

“Four million years ago as this solar system formed, chunks of Mars landed on the newly formed North Pole. Life formed. Comets brought more bacteria. These creatures developed and they’re us.”

Birnes, a NY Times best-selling author about the days following Roswell, said: “I’m told ETs throughout our government exercise higher security than the president. They track those who believe they have UFO parentage someplace.”

Falling into festival mode

FOR this world, the 62nd NY Film Festival’s running Friday to Oct. 14. To babble: Elton John, Daniel Craig, Selena Gomez, Zoe Saldana, Naomi Watts, Bill Murray, Angelina Jolie, Kieran Culkin, Jennifer Grey, Emma Stone, Cate Blanchett. Opening Oct. 4 is the 32nd Hamptons thing. Schlepping over: Liev Schreiber, Demi Moore, Alec Baldwin, Andrew Garfield, Denzel’s son Malcolm.

So damn exciting I’m going to lay down my darning. 

IF this isn’t enough excitement, movie producers will be manufacturing inflatable sheep for lonely widows (and columnists).

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.