CHICAGO, IL — A local sports fan was relieved to finally reach the end of a miserable baseball season and expressed gladness that the White Sox would finally be finished playing before coming to the sudden and unpleasant realization that Bears season had just begun.

White Sox fans have been left traumatized by the thousands during what has been a historically poor season, with the team poised to set a new Major League Baseball record for losses in a 162-game season. While relieved by the knowledge that this would be the final week of baseball's regular season, fans shuddered in horror when struck by the reality that they must now endure another Bears season.

"So glad White Sox season is over — aw, man, it's Bears season now!" exclaimed devoted Chicago sports fan Jason Parks. "I've had the most miserable summer of my life this year watching the White Sox rack up loss after loss, and just when I thought I could look forward to finally enjoying life again after this week, football season had to start up. Thanks a lot, Bears!"

Though not expected to reach the same futility as the hapless 120-plus-losses White Sox, experts predicted the Bears to at least maintain their traditional level of badness. "They're already 1-2 on the season, which has them once again on pace to really disappoint people," said one sports analyst. "It's unlikely they'll be as awful as the White Sox were this year, but let's be real here: they're still the Bears."

At publishing time, sports fans throughout the Windy City were consoling themselves with the knowledge that it would soon be basketball season and the Bulls would likely flirt with being mediocre.

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