Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris made a new campaign promise today, pledging a $10,000 grant to any small businesses that hook her up with free stuff when she’s in town, sources confirm. 

“Oh, that sounds like the sort of thing that would really help my Mom & Pop business,” said Lenny Williams, co-owner of William’s Books & Things, an small retail store. “I don’t love the idea of having to hook President Harris up with a bunch of stuff for free, but hopefully she doesn’t make too many trips to a tiny little bookstore here in Fish Creek, Wisconsin.” 

Harris promised that this was the sort of shot in the arm American businesses needed. 

“It can be tough, trying to pay your staff and keep the lights on,” said Harris. “I know how hard it can be. That’s why if you just fill out a simple form that allows me to shoplift and/or take a little bit of money out of the till if I stop by, we’ll send you 10 grand to help you and your business out.” 

As of press time, Harris confirmed that the program also grant her access to the small business’ handicapped parking spots.