Note: This is a satirical piece.

The Presidential Debate was held Tuesday in Philadelphia. Fittingly, the Sylvester Stallone statue of his Rocky character was prominently displayed. He was an underdog white guy who came out of nowhere to beat up a black guy and a communist.  

In this installment of Rocky, a communist beat up an orange guy. Trump failed to do what no man has ever done: win an argument with a woman. 

With ABC loaded up to fact check Trump but not Kamala, it was clear that David Muir and Linsey Davis teamed up with Kamala. To see more 3-on-1 action, you’d have to switch from ABC to the porn channel. 

Somehow the “moderators” were able to call the police chief in Springfield, Ohio, in real time to fact check Trump on Haitians eating dogs there. But they could not bring themselves to ask Kamala about her likely lie that she worked at McDonald’s. 

They should have a promotional Kamala Employee Discount at McDonald’s through the election season. You just declare you once worked there, and you get 20% off, no questions asked. 

V.P. Harris’s team prepared her well. She prepped for the debate by watching old documentaries of Hitler, yelling at the screen and making incredulous faces. ABC must have hired director Cecil B. DeMille because, on cue, Kamala would seem to say, “I’m ready for my close up now, Mr. DeMille.” ABC obliged. 

If Kamala had a fault, she seemed like America’s ex-wife lecturing an alley cat husband upon his return home. 

Trump usually knows where he stands. Yet Harris came off as better scripted and prepared. Trump did not seem to be Trump. I begged Trump not to debate Biden until after the nomination, to keep him in. 

Kamala got her way with ABC: no clapping and no audience. It was like a WNBA game. David Muir was allowed to electric shock Trump if he over-enunciated “China.” Trump won the coin toss and got to go second. Joe Biden was asked to do the coin toss. Afterwards, out of habit, he pocketed the coin. 

Muir did refrain from saying, “Will the defendant please rise?” when addressing Trump.

Muir did ask Trump about him saying that Kamala’s ever-changing heritage, from Indian to now African-American, allowed her to change just with her accent depending on what city she is in. To be fair, Trump has never had to explain why he was once white and why he became orange. 

If you do not think that Kamala Harris, who has said she no longer favors the radical left policies that she has espoused in the last few years, has suddenly changed, I have one of the “Infrastructure Bill” bridges they didn’t build that I will sell you. 

She learned her newfound moderation, and she read her lines well. No one paying attention can believe that once she is president, cloaked in the immense powers of the presidency, she will not revert to type. 

Biden debated his number one nemesis, his own cognitive decline. Kamala should have to debate her number one opponent, every one of her past positions. She did not look scared sitting next to the felon they created with lawfare for paperwork crimes. 

The Democrat Party is no longer the advocate for the middle and lower middle classes. RFK Jr. points out that, in the 2020 election (which was about 50/50 Biden-to-Trump voters), Biden-voting counties made up 70 percent of the economy.

Dems are now the party of oligarchs, Big Pharma, the medical- industrial complex, Wall Street and the Washington war machine lobbyists. The Dems have a very Oligarch-like system: They bamboozle you, the common man or woman, into thinking they are working for you, when you are really doing the bidding for the billionaires. 

Think I am wrong? Name one billionaire from Facebook, Linked In, Google, YouTube, Netflix, Instagram, Oracle, Microsoft, brokerage firm CEO, Hedge Fund, CEO of an S&P 500 firm, etc. who are Republicans. A few have those leanings, but they know they will be destroyed by the Democrat Deep State if they break ranks. 

High school-educated Taylor Swift did come out and endorse Kamala. I am not sure that sways me. I think I will wait and see what the drummer for Third Eye Blind tells me to do. 

Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist, an award-winning author, and a frequent guest on TV and radio. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.