This article was originally published on Babylon Bee. You can read the original article HERE
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You read the Journal. You follow the stonks. And now you're wondering how you'll possibly manage to get through four years of a Kamala Harris administration without going bankrupt.
Well, never fear, for the Bee is here. Forget whatever you read in The White Coat Investor and Millionaire Next Door — we've spent literal minutes of our time to thoroughly investigate the markets nowadays and here are our top picks. You're welcome.
Meme futures: Don't let anyone know you heard this from us, but they're going to the moon. SKIBIDI TOILET BUY BUY BUY!!!
Red hot pokers for your eyes: So that you can avoid all of the gay stuff to come.
Cats: They're already smoking hot right now — people are just eating them up!
Duolingo Chinese: Russian is a close second, but just trust us on this one.
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Working in McDonald's: You'll be an essential worker and Tim Walz will let you still work during a pandemic.
Jewish beeper company: Business is booming for these guys.
Cricket farms: You'll be brilliantly positioned to become a major cricket flour supplier when meat gets outlawed.
Tampons: Hot tip from the White House says Tim Walz goes through these like a squirrel fired out of a potato cannon goes through butter.
Aren't you glad you've got financial experts like the Bee on your side? That's right...now go on and get that premium subscription — you know you want it!
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This article was originally published by Babylon Bee. We only curate news from sources that align with the core values of our intended conservative audience. If you like the news you read here we encourage you to utilize the original sources for even more great news and opinions you can trust!
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