Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump dodged gunfire from no less than four different sources during a speech earlier today, sources have confirmed. 

“Man, he’s getting so good at avoiding these assassination attempts,” remarked Joan Woods, a spectator at today’s Trump rally. “In a perfect world, we’d stop letting would-be assassins get so close to one of our presidential candidates, but until then, I’m glad Trump is so nimble for his age. Did you see that backflip he landed at one point? Joe Biden could never.” 

Despite the former President’s physical adeptness at avoiding the gunfire, he called for a better solution in the future. 

“Folks, this is ludicrous,” said Trump, while ducking behind the podium during one particularly heavy round of gunfire. “Is the Secret Service here? Can anyone tell me what’s going on, and why a new shooter is getting alarmingly close to me every single day? You don’t scare me. You losers can’t even aim!” 

Following the disastrous event, Donald Trump was spotted on his private jet watching The Matrix films while taking notes and nodding.