VATICAN CITY — Following the uproar regarding terminology he allegedly used in reference to homosexuals becoming Catholic priests, Pope Francis issued an official statement of apology to all the flaming homos who were offended.

"I apologize for using an offensive slur to refer to little homo nancyboys," Pope Francis said to open his statement. "I feel awful about the pain and mental stress I unintentionally inflicted upon all the fruitcakes out there by using the wrong terminology. So, to be clear, I want to issue my sincerest apology to every limp-wristed flamer. To all the men who are light in their loafers: I am very sorry."

Members of the LGBTQ+ community were outraged when news broke that Pope Francis had used an Italian term that was widely held to be a homosexual slur. A Vatican spokesman reiterated the pontiff's regret for using the word. "His Holiness expresses his sincerest regrets to all the fairy boys around the world," the spokesman said. "Pope Francis vows to speak with more awareness in the future when addressing a bunch of poofs."

At publishing time, Pope Francis had issued an open invitation to any deviant sodomites who wished to receive a personal apology.

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