AUSTRALIA — Kangaroos hosted a press conference today calling for a stop to demeaning comparisons to the United States justice system.

"Please, we beg you - stop comparing the U.S. legal system to a 'kangaroo court'. It's insulting to kangaroos everywhere," said kangaroo spokeswoman Savannah Buttercup. "We are proud of our superior judicial system and would never, ever behave like those clowns in New York."

According to sources, kangaroos across the globe were infuriated by the sudden deluge of people comparing their justice system to America. "It's downright offensive. We kangaroos have a very fair system," explained Buttercup. "Misdemeanors result in getting your ears boxed. Felonies will get you a kick, square in the squishy regions. Every kangaroo is subject to the same laws, no matter if you're red or grey, tree-kangaroo or wallaby. Our system is light years ahead of the clown show that is America."

At publishing time, a group of clowns had held a press conference calling on the kangaroos to stop comparing their shows to the U.S. legal system.

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.