(Scranton, PA.) President Joe Biden invoked immunity when he showed up at a local library in his home town with a book he was supposed to return 65 years ago and got slapped with a $1 million fine.

“Look, I can’t be held liable for official acts done while I’m in office,” Biden pleaded. “I know I checked out the book long before I was president, but I was waiting until I got elected so that I could bring it back in my official capacity and avoid that huge fine. Come on, man! If we hold presidents accountable for official acts, then the next thing you know, libraries all over the country will start levying massive fines on them, and our whole system will come crashing down! That is no way to run a country, man. No way a court will uphold this! The Constitution forbids it!”

The White House went on to clarify that presidential immunity did not apply to “a former president whose official acts should be scrutinized” without naming names.